A Mother's Story of Healing

by Amanda Ellis (mother of survivor)

As a mother, the feelings of helplessness are beyond anyone's imagination who hasn't been there. Bring a child into the world so precious and loving, and when she is taken away instantly they have been abused. No more loving feelings between mother and child -she wont let you close to her! It hurts. My feelings are so muddled and helpless that you search every avenue to get back your baby. There's no ending of these searches.

She's aggressive to you, as if blaming you for her pain. She has muddles of her own. She's confused, and doesn't understand what has happened to her. A child who is all over the place with mixed emotions is so very hard to handle. You feel you're being pushed to the limits so far away from her.

What sort of life does she have...none but misery. It's hard to understand as she so very young, but mothers feel these muddles and worries too, just as much as her child. The frustration of trying to help...you help as much as you know how but still it's not enough. You feel so helpless. You feel you're a failure as a mum. You feel you've let your baby down. You feel alone, isolated, and in a vicious circle with no light at the end of the tunnel.

Why! Oh Why! did this have to happen to my baby.