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cameonairory
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Joined: 15 Apr 2009
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 15, 2009 8:36 am    Post subject: ??? Reply with quote

can seeing your perp every week bring back old feelings that you thought u got rid of a lonnng time ago?is that like revictimization?i see my cousin every week at church.he really has turned his life around.he abused me when i was 15 and now i'm 24 and i was just wondering.i trusted him so much.i still love him as my cousin but i also hate him for what he did to me.i know everyone's probably thinking how can u love someone who did those things to u,but i think i have almost forgiven him.
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ivonne
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Joined: 09 Jun 2004
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Location: the netherlands

PostPosted: Wed Apr 15, 2009 1:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

yeah, it can re-trigger but that's not the same as revictimization.

revictimization is when you (by accident or design) bring yourself in situations, relations, where the same type of mechanics operate as was in your original abuse.

Getting triggered from seeing your cousin every week just means you relive the pain that you had then. Ultimately, if your cousing is no threat to you today and he's turned his life around, the whole trigger thing can be a way of moving through the feelings in order to heal from them. Not a bad outcome at all, allthough it's fiendishly hard to actually go into the pain.

As far as loving him: there's no rule that sais you have to hate him. Rightly you hate what he's done, no excuses there. But he's human and as such he makes mistakes. If he owns up to it, changes his life, what reason is there to hang onto hatred?

I think love is a good thing, provided it doesn't mean he get's to do it again.

Ivonne
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mwendy
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Joined: 10 Apr 2009
Posts: 83

PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2009 5:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

you certainly can love someone that hurt you and forgive them too Smile I am sorry your cousin hurt you.
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