"Our House" a good thing or not?

Iam · Posting Freak Joined: 12 Jun 2006 Posts: 1005

Yesterday I visited our house and was feeling down so I posted a message that I thought showed how I felt but wasn't in truth very clear at all. My message was responded to by someone who knows me very well and was concerned about me. I responded in a way to her message that caused someone else to feel that I needed defending. While I very much appreciate the thought, it wasn't really necessary. The whole issue turned into a huge battle between members and became ugly. When I started "Our House" it was meant to be a place where we could all come and be less serious, where we could just sit quietly or where we could act silly if that was what we wanted. I know that there are those who felt that any levity had no place on this site......

ivonne · Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 6:15 pm Post subject:

I very much still enjoy OUR HOUSE. I have felt safe enough there to show my little Ivonne, who is very little indeed.

I do believe we can wether this storm. Conflicts can and do happen, even in our house. Yes sometimes things get out of hand, that doesn't mean we have to quit. It means we have to have our inner adults step up and take responsibility for what our inner children have said and done on here. From what I've seen, that is exactly what happened, once all the participants in the conflict recognized that they were being triggered and lashing out, everyone apologized and it seems like there aren't any hard feelings.

The joy that OUR HOUSE has brought is worth preserving.

Ivonne
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We don’t see things as they are,
we see them as we are.
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Iam · Posting Freak Joined: 12 Jun 2006 Posts: 1005

My reason for posting this was twofold. It seems that our resident monitor of what is appropriate and what isn't has decided that we need to discontinue that thread. It also gives people a place to voice whatever opinions they might have about what has happened there. I don't feel that there is calm in our house, it still feels very hostile to me but maybe that is the way I feel and I have to deal with that.

I also needed an opportunity to express how I feel about what has been said, I don't enjoy conflict, in fact I usually leave when things get that way, it is not something I am comfortable with. However, there are somethings that I do feel strongly about and need to voice my opinion about. This particular statement that steve made is one I would like clarification on...

carter · Senior Member Joined: 12 Jun 2005 Posts: 557

Ian I apologise for appearing to defend you, as I said elsewhere, it really wasnt any of my business. I was triggered by the implicit assumption that there must be something wrong with you if you didnt want to join in.

I was defending the concept of being allowed to say no.

Its possible I was also triggered by the emotional blackmail aspect that I read into ivonnes responses.

I also apologise for the tone of my initial post, a more respectful tone and more explicit query might have elicited a more respectful response.

I have no fundamental objection to the 'house', its not my cup of tea so I dont usually hang out there, but I dont find the idea of it in any way offensive or detrimental to the forum.

What I do think is that care needs to be taken when roleplaying the inner children of those present in the house. Excess realism needs to be tempered with the awareness that it might not be immediately apparant to all that roleplaying is in operation, or that a real life adult post may not neccessarily be appropriately answered with a childs response.

I say go for it, with any luck we may soon see the first mass cyber-pasta-drowning of a group of diaper clad middle aged women.

ivonne · Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 7:08 pm Post subject:

Now you're talking Carter... I'm off to the house... gotta build that pasta bath...

Ivonne
_________________
We don’t see things as they are,
we see them as we are.
–-Anaîs Nin

Iam · Posting Freak Joined: 12 Jun 2006 Posts: 1005

There is no need to apologize to me Carter. Whether you were defending me, or just the principal doesn't make any difference, you stepped up and I appreciate that.

I do hope that I don't spend my entire day with a mental image of diaper clad middle aged women drowning in pasta....try explaining that to a professor, lol. And I sincerely hope that doesn't happen, I really love those big babies (and I mean that with respect ladies). You did give me a chuckle to start my day with though so thank you for that.

I just don't want something that has become enjoyable to degenerate into something else. Evolution is one thing, change is inevitable for growth but not if it takes away from the original intention of the house.

Have a good day all,
Ian
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Love is like a roller coaster: When it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't, you can't wait to throw up.

susanie · Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 8:10 pm Post subject:

The problem is not the thread, the problem is people posting on that thread in the heat of their negative emotions. OUR HOUSE was created to be a place of safety and fun, where we could take a breather from the stress of working through our issues. It has been very healing for me to read and be a part of the interchanges there. Up until the big blowup.

My opinion is that if persons become offended / angry in OUR HOUSE, they should take it outside OUR HOUSE. We could start a thread called "OUR BACKYARD" for conflict resolutions that need to be resolved as a result of visiting OUR HOUSE. Wink

That way, the rest of us (those not involved in the conflict) can still find rest and relaxation in OUR beautiful purple HOUSE. Smile

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"Never, never, never give up!" - Winston Churchill

ivonne · Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 8:42 pm Post subject:

Hi Susie,

That's a great idea, except I wouldn't want it in the backyard, that's part of our place I suppose to me. How about someplace called The Castle Tower?

Sounds big and important and, well... we could make up any name for it really. Camp David? Time out room?

taking it someplace else is a great idea though, I second that motion.

Ivonne
_________________
We don’t see things as they are,
we see them as we are.
–-Anaîs Nin

susanie · Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 8:55 pm Post subject:

YES! Time out room, I like it!

-Susie
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"Never, never, never give up!" - Winston Churchill

redearth11 · Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 11:29 pm Post subject:

I have purposely kept out of the conflict because it did not involve me and if I am honest it frightened me.

I agree with Susie - I feel that the house was created to be a place of safety and fun, and again, honesty is speaking out here, I don't feel safe there at the moment, though I do recognise that any house does have conflicts at times and the best thing is to find a place and a way to deal with these.

I want our house to continue, to remain, to still be - I love our house and vote wholeheartedly for the creation of a 'time out room'.

Just my thoughts.....
Red
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Don't let your past dictate who you are, but let it be part of who you become........