Joined: 06 Dec 2003
|Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 10:14 am Post subject: Forum Rules
|*** RULES AND REGULATIONS ***
If you are in immediate danger of harming yourself or someone else, contact a friend, family member, counsellor, helpline, local hospital or the police for immediate help.
This is to be a safe place where survivors and friend or family of survivors can come and find support, acceptance, and help from others. This is the place where we can tell OUR story, share OUR pain, and express other emotions that we may not feel safe enough to express anywhere else.
We will do our best to protect our users from malicious and untactful users, but, we are unable to take responsibility for the content of what is posted. Please remember that if something that someone says is hurtful to you, that that person has issues of their own and try to ignore their comments to the best of your ability. It can be hard to ignore something hurtful, especially if their hurtful words echo the fears that you've had throughout your life. However, please remember that 1) our users are most often not professionals and 2) they don't know you. Therefore, take each poster's ideas and thoughts with a grain of salt.
You must take responsibility for what you read and post on this site. If a post seems to be too triggering, or causes negative feelings in you, you have the option of closing the post and moving on to another. We can't be responsible for what other's post, neither do we want to be restrictive, since this is to be a safe place where hurting people can share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgement, criticism or rejection. So please don't ask for posts to be removed simply because you don't like what is being said. Unless it is going against the rules we've stated here, we will not remove the post as that can trigger feelings of judgment and rejection to a survivor.
It is impossible to write rules for every possible scenario. Therefore, Survivors and Friends reserves the right to delete or edit posts, and to block users from using the forums at their sole discretion. Futhermore, as a user, you agree that you will abide by the following rules:
1) ACT ON THE ASSUMPTION THAT THE PERSON IS TELLING THE TRUTH
Even if a person's story is outrageous, you are not to express your doubts. If you don't believe them, simply don't respond. Keep in mind that those who come here can be very vulnerable, fragile, and scared. They need to feel safe, and need to be able to begin trusting again. Many who come here are survivors themselves, and may have spent their entire life not being believed. So, it is very important to believe what another person says on this forum even if you think it's unbelievable. This isn't the place to scrutinize or question.
2) DO NOT RESPOND OUT OF ANGER
As survivors, we can be very vulnerable. Often someone else's raw pain and anger can "trigger" someone else's. If you get angry ("triggered") by something, please don't respond right away. Think about why you are angry and your reasons for saying what you want to say. Check it out with someone else if need be, but don't respond out of triggered emotions toward someone on this forum. Sleep on it or whatever you have to do and really look at your motives for what you post in response to someone else. Ask yourself how you would want to be responded to as well. I'm sorry to have to write like this, but I don't want to see this forum disintegrate as it has been doing.
3) DO NOT DISCOURAGE ANYONE IN ANY WAY
This is not the place to criticize, hurt, offend, or accuse anyone. If you don't like someone, how they've dealt with things, or what they have to say, simply don't respond. Responding may get you kicked off of this site--at S&F's sole discretion.
Harassment, abuse, flaming (turning threads into all out war), trolling (starting a flame war), spamming and similar actions will not be tolerated here and is also inappropriate. Such behavior will lead to the member being banned.
4) RESPECT OTHER'S ANONYMITY AND PRIVACY
Survivors & Friends will not tolerate any accusations, or attempts to expose/divulge identities--or what you may think is someone's identity. The identity of other users doesn't matter on this forum. The most important thing is that everyone should be treated with respect and acceptance. If you can't do that with someone, don't respond to them and don't make references to them. REMEMBER: Anonymity is very important to many survivors and spouses, and in attempt to protect that identity we encourage our users to use pseudonyms only. All that matters is that they are sharing their life with others on this forum and need support.
Please, this is very important. If you are emailing someone on the forum, which I suggest you don't do for the integrity of the forum relationship, you must not talk about anyone else on the forum or any posts shared there. Confidentiality is crucial in order for people to feel safe in sharing their pain and recovery process. We've all been through school and know the dangers of cliques especially when dealing with already damaged people who have had their share of isolation, rejection, and pain. Anyone who is reported to have betrayed a confidence (which is anything shared here) will be banned from the forum.
Please if anyone notices a post that is potentially harmful, let us know about it. We have the right to delete any post that violates these guidelines. What is shared here, stays here.
This is your forum. Please take care of one another.
5) LISTEN AND OFFER FEEDBACK, NOT ADVICE
As stated, many survivors have spent a lifetime with no one listening to them or believing them. One of the greatest things that you can do is to simply listen to them and believe them. The need to be heard is often much more important than the need for advice.
It is always good to know that you are not alone in your struggles. So, do feel free to share your own experiences, how you can identify with certain situations, or how you solved similar problems. A survivor knowing that they are not alone, and seeing what others have done when faced with their crisis (even if they don't do the same thing) is often much more helpful than advice. Do not assume however, that the other person should follow your opinions or do what you would do in their situation. Criticizing someone for what they did or didn't do is forbidden.
6) CREATE A CARING, WELCOMING ATMOSPHERE FOR EVERYONE WHO COMES HERE
Please help keep this forum going by taking some ownership of it and doing whatever you can to keep it safe for everyone who comes here, and by letting us know if something potentially damaging is posted. (By ownership, I mean that this is a forum for you, survivors. Survivors & Friends is comprised of volunteers with other jobs and responsibilities, and as such, we can't 'baby-sit' the forums. Everyone needs to take responsibility for the direction this forum takes.)
7) DON'T WRITE ENTIRE POSTS IN CAPS
When people write entire paragraphs in capital letters, it is disruptive and it appears that they are SHOUTING. So, you may use all caps to EMPHASIZE something. However, do not use all caps throughout an entire post...if you do, what you wrote may be deleted or changed to all lowercase.
8) CONFINE YOURSELF TO THE TOPIC
This is a forum, which is for survivors of sexual abuse, their friends, and their family to find hope, encouragement, and support. We ask that you confine any new topics that you create to this subject matter. Any post that is deemed not to be relevant will be promptly deleted at the sole discretion of the Moderator.
9) DO NOT DEBATE A MODERATOR'S DECISION
Survivors & Friends has designated certain users to moderate and/or administrate the forums. All users are required to immediately comply with any moderator directive. Failure to do so may result in loss of access to the site. If you believe a moderator directive is incorrect you should not discuss it in the community. Instead send a private message to the Administrator who will review the problem and make final judgment.
10) DO NOT "ASSIGN MOTIVE" TO A PERSON'S ACTIONS
It is impossible for you to know "why" a person does something they do. Therefore, users shall refrain from explaining a person's actions, and shall deal with each comment made by a user at face value.
11) KEEP THIS A "SAFE" PLACE
S&F should be a safe place for people to express their thoughts and feelings. Any actions that appear to diminish from this safety for other users should be reported to the admin or moderator of the forum so that it can be reviewed and so that actions may be taken if necessary. Posts will be regarded on an individual basis on whether or not they violate the rules or safety of the board, the moderator or admin will not be responsible to read the entire thread in order to come to a decision.
12) AVOID "GRAPHIC" CONTENT
While we realize that this is a site about sexual abuse, care should be taken to avoid things of a graphic nature. Please do not describe your abuse or anything else in a graphic nature that could make other members uncomfortable. For example, it is appropriate to use the word "rape", but it is NOT appropriate to describe the rape in graphic detail. We want to encourage a spirit of open communication for the purposes of support, but also want this board to remain a safe and comfortable place for everyone.
13) We do not delete posts, unless it violates the rules, as it ruins the continuity of all threads and opens the forum to massive abuse, we can however remove personally identifiable information from posts, such as email addresses, real names etc etc.
14)There is to be no cybering (cybering is like phone sex but over the Internet), it is not appropriate and is not welcome here. If we catch an adult grooming a minor we will report the adult to the authorities.
15) S&F is not the place for fundraising, experiments, research studies or advertising activities. Any such requests will be deleted.
16) PLEASE DON'T MAKE US MAKE MORE RULES
Ideally, we would never have to make any rules. However, some people have not treated others with respect, and thus forced us to implement rules for the use of our forums. Please remember to be respectful so that we never have delete or edit your posts, kick you off of the forums, or add any new rules to this list.