Help me ...... I messed up (very long sorry)

 
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Sincerelysorry
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 08, 2016 12:41 am    Post subject: Help me ...... I messed up (very long sorry) Reply with quote

My story is long and painful and probably will be upsetting for some to read but I'm in need of some help

I've been suffering from depression for many years and was on antidepressants (Prozac) for 8+ years .... now I know a lot of people have difficulty understanding but those pills destroy you emotionally make you numb to everything

It all starts innocently enough when someone has gone to the Dr for an ailment, any ailment but for this exercise we’ll say anxiety. They get a prescription for one of the medications known as SSRI’s antidepressant. They get the usual blather about how safe they are and how effective they are along with a stern warning about how they can cause dry mouth, nausea and a feeling of sleepiness..

They begin taking the medication and before long they have changed but it’s a very slow change. Changes that are barely noticeable in the beginning, When frontal lobe syndrome occurs symptoms such as Apathy, indifference, loss of initiative, becoming indifferent toward work performance, exhibiting impulsive and disinhibited behavior,

Then on one frightful god forsaken evening the love of your life your carer your soulmate your everything goes out and for 2hrs you hear nothing when she would normally phone me to let me know she was safely at her destination....... you start to worry and start checking the news for reports of accidents then the fear sets in and you start phoning the emergency services ..... but nothing reported

6hrs pass and your mentally and emotionally exhausted through fear and when she stumbles in and tells you those words

I was r****d at knife point .....

I can't explain but nothing prepares you for it and not being in the right frame of mind in the first place thanks to the meds I turned into something that I regret........ I believe I had a depersonalisation episode or out of body experience as I could see everything as a third person and was unable to stop the things I was saying and became no better than the scum that hurt her in the first place ....... not physically but emotionally....... I tried to do what I thought was right (I assume) but I became over bearing controlling and uncaring ..... it was me that phoned the police it was me that made her go to the police station it was me that made her go to the hospital

But it wasn't me it was what I had become and because I could see what I was doing it made me realise how much I had changed and stopped the pills ........ now suffering depression anxiety panic attacks and withdrawal as I didn't tapper down

But now all she can see is what I was that night and what I had became and is leaving me

I've tried to explain and shown her all the medical proof I can that it was the effects of the pills but still she's walking out on our 25yrs of marriage and it hurts so much
I still worship the ground she walks on and I'm so in love with her but I can't get her to understand

Please can anyone advise me I can't live without her in my life
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William
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Joined: 08 Dec 2003
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 12:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Sincerely,

Please don't be so hard on yourself. None of us can expect perfection of ourselves. We are human. I feel for you and your wife. This is a time of tumultuous emotion. I hope it will become better as you walk through this time.

William
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Maria13
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2018 3:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hope that the end of this story is good.
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