New relationship with a male survivor

 
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Lizzie
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Joined: 20 Jul 2014
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2014 4:21 am    Post subject: New relationship with a male survivor Reply with quote

I'm in a very new relationship - just a few months. My male partner disclosed his abuse on our third date and I love him that he trusted me enough. We talked as he'd never had therapy and he decided that the time was right and that's what he's doing now. I've asked him if it's better he isn't with me while going through this but he says I'm his rock and little by little he talks about the abuse. No triggers yet but nightmares are horrible. He's pushed me away twice - once when he lost his job and thought he wasn't good enough for me, and once after a comment I made which following lots of reading and researching seems to have triggered the feelings that I was somehow trying to control him. The first time I fought to keep him in my life and this seemed to be the thing that won him round and helped him make the decision to go to therapy.

So to my question - he's going to be in therapy for years I know that! His abuse was on all levels, inside and outside the family and for a prolonged period. I seem to have been a catalyst to starting the healing process but what if I then become a problem or hindrance to him. As he changes will he still want me or will I be a too painful reminder. He tells me he wants me in his life forever but I struggle with that concept because he's so emotionally unstable. Any experiences of help gratefully received!

I'm in my 40s and he's in his 50s .

Thanks
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annie
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Joined: 06 Dec 2003
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 09, 2016 2:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I know this was posted long ago, however, I wanted to say that it doesn't do much good to stress over what may or may not happen in a relationship. That is an unknown even if there aren't issues involved. The best you can do is be there if you can and support in anyway the survivor needs...and the survivor has to be the one to say what is needed and when or we'll go crazy trying to second guess them, read their minds, etc. It may be a difficult journey, however if the relationship makes it, it'll be even stronger.
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