I'm new here and here is my story.

Post new topic   Reply to topic    S&F's Forum Index -> Peer Stories
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message

Joined: 20 Sep 2011
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 12:42 am    Post subject: I'm new here and here is my story. Reply with quote

I have never really told anyone my story. I guess just out of fear of no one believing me and just brushing it off as a lie. The only person I have ever really told was my husband and I am glad that he has been there for me 100% through my tears and nightmares, through confusion and anger of what to do or how to get through this on my own. But he encourages me every day that I am not alone and no matter what he is here for me always.

Here is my story..........

My mother had divorced my real father only when I was a little baby just born. He said he didn't want children and didn't want my brother and I at all. So she left and moved back to the US with my brother and I. She finally met this guy who changed her life inside out and proved to her that he truely loved her. They eventually got married and he accepted me and my brother as his own children although we weren't his blood children. He loved us unconditionally. When I turned twelve, I learned he wasn't my real father and it hurt me badly, but I thought that he was a great dad and that he would love us uncoditionally. Needless to say I guess that love was all a lie and fake. When I turned 12 it was during the summer when it first happen. One morning he snuck in my bedroom and claimed to want to wake me up. I pretended to be asleep because I didn't want to wake up that morning. My step father was talking on the phone to a friend of his and while he lay there his hand fell on my chest and he begin to rub my chest area around my breast. I was afraid to wake up or even scream to stop. So he continued for a couple of minutes and then he got up and told me to up. Later that day he said he was sorry for what he had done. I was afraid to say that I knew what happened, so I just lied and said what are you talking about and he said never mind and walked out. But I knew what he did just couldn't let him know. I was a scared 12 year old little girl. That's when it all started. He didn't do anything for a couple of months. And I felt relief, like okay maybe he didn't mean it or maybe it was an accident so I brushed it off and continue on with my 12 year old life. Then needless to say, he didn't stop. One day we were lying on the sofa together I was in a nightie and just laying down watching tv. My brother was in the room watching tv with us. My father then stuck his big toe up under my nightie and rubbed my private area. I was so scared once again and didn't know what to do or say. I wish I would have cried out and said stop or even if I did my brother would have known and told my mother. Now that I think about it, I think that I could have wanted but in a way didn't want it. But I'm trying to come to the realization that it wasn't my fault and that he was a grown man doing stuff with a 12 year old girl. I remember before heading to bed, my father would mention about me trying to sleep naked and that it was more comfortable that way, but in my mind I know what he was up to and I would never sleep naked out of fear. He said these things in front of my mother who thought nothing of it and agreed with him. I never did sleep naked, but I remember him coming in my room at 2 oclock each night to touch me and touch all my privates. I was scared and I couldn't say anything. Each week he would pull me off to the side and say he was sorry and he loved me and just in the wrong way. So I knew it was him that came in my room each night to touch me. I was afraid to let him know I knew. I wish once again I would've said something at that time and maybe it would've stopped sooner. This continued up till I was 14. One day he came into my room and I believe if I would have never said no it would have been more. He had asked me to come to the room and my mother was in the kitchen cooking dinner. I went afraid what he'd say. He asked me to sit on his lap which I did and he wanted me to kiss him on the lips. I told him no I wouldn't and he let me go. The very next day I went and told my friend at school what happened. She told me I should tell an adult I begged her not to, but she did anyway. The school called my mom and they talked to her. She couldn't believe what they were telling her and then she was very upset and believed I was lying. She ran home and confronted me about it which I claimed he did and kept saying yes yes he did touch me. I guess my mother didn't believe me because she confronted my dad and he told her no he didn't. Its sad that she believed him over me, I hope one day she does believe me. Long story short he got away with what he did to me. It stopped for years and he was still able to live his life living with me getting away with what he did. I lived in fear the rest of that time because of fear he would do it again. He stopped until I was 18 and then he started it up again until I moved out. Now to this day he still tries flirting with me and stuff and now my husband said he would be there to protect me 100%.

I love my husband very much, because he's there to hug me when I just burst out crying over nothing, but he knows what I'm crying about. He's there to hold me when I wake up in the middle of the night scared because I had a nightmare about my step father.

What my husband doesn't know is that When we make love I think about my step father and what he doesn't know I never get in the mood unless my step father is on my mind. I don't know what to do or where to get help. I'm glad I found this site because maybe someone can help me.

Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    S&F's Forum Index -> Peer Stories All times are GMT + 4 Hours
Page 1 of 1

Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group