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Did you file criminal charges against your abuser? If so what was the out come?
Guilty
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Not Guilty
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Never filed charges
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Total Votes : 11

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crissy
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Joined: 14 Sep 2004
Posts: 218
Location: Texas

PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 7:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

When i first told my father about the abuse i was about 18-19 yrs old. I have no sense of time what so ever. He held me and cried and said he was sorry. My parents were already divorced by this time...and he called my mom and talked to her more about than he did me. If i ever brought it up to him....he would apologize and change the subject. I think he feels guilty in alot of ways because of how he was with me when i was younger...in hind sight he helped get my self essteem down low enough to be completely taken advantage of by his father. I dont blame him...but i think if i would have had a strong father (male role model period) it would have been different. I dont know. I have weighed out the pros and cons again and again in my head. This is something i have been thinking about for along time but just now vocalizing it. Even if i talk to my dad...i think he would ask me not to do it because of his moms health. Excuse. That woman is stuburn...i think she will out live us all. Then again my fathers health. He has a heart condition...with medicine under control...but it is still there. For all you meds that know..Artial Fibrilation is what he has. I try to think of my self....cant help but feel i might be being alittle selfish. But then i think of my kids. my abuser is never around my children nor will he ever.....but he could be around some one elses. Could i live with myself as a parent not trying to protect a child in general. All this confusion for a fathers love. I need to do this for me......i am going to talk to my dad.
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dakizia
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Joined: 01 Feb 2005
Posts: 191

PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 11:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

is it wrong to file charges you asked...

God sais you should forgive and love the ppl around you.
that doesnt mean you have to live in danger.
as i see it. if your save and away from your abusers, then forgive them, and stay away from there bad influens, if there still near you, make sure they egt out, i dont think its really wrong to file charges against him.
i dont do it myself because i belive they will get a hard punishment at there day of judgement.
sweety, its up to you. you have been given a free will by God, so use it. if you feel you need to file charges against them, do it. if you feel you dont need to, dont do it...
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liat
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Joined: 14 Oct 2004
Posts: 868
Location: Australia vic

PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 2:01 pm    Post subject: Court or no court Reply with quote

Hi Dakiza, Ivonne (plz check your PM Ivonne) Kevin, Crissy...

I took my ex boyfriend to court, the trial is in June. I did it for me. I am allowing my voice to be heard on this issue because for too long the guys in my life the man in my life ( my father never listened) I see the justice God brings and earthly justice as two seprate things, however God's presence can certainly work to help it along. God gave us free will and I feel that if I do the court thing with the right intention, not out of revenge, but out of respect for my story and a knowing that I deserve to be listened to and my bourdries respected, then wether I win or lose in the process of court I win in myself and free my energy up to recieve good ppl into my life.

Whatever you choose you are strong.

Blessings and light,

liat M Wink
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knelson
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Joined: 06 Dec 2003
Posts: 144
Location: U.S.

PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 11:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Is it wrong for me to file charges knowing that he will get what he has comming to him in the end?

Definitely not. It is never "wrong" to report a crime. If someone stole your car, you would still report the crime and try to get the person convicted, regardless of whether or not God will punish the person justly, right?
Quote:
Is it wrong to more than likely completely destroy an already rocky relationship, all in a process of my healing?

When you speak the truth, some people will leave you. This is an unfortunate fact of life...many people are not willing to face the truth. However, this does not make the truth invalid, nor does it make it wrong to speak the truth. "Truth in love" or "tactfulness" is an important factor. However, as I believe someone else mentioned, a relationship that cannot face and deal with the truth is a relationship built on pretense. So, it is definitely not wrong to report this knowing that it may ruin the relationship, but it will require a lot of strength on your part.
Quote:
Anyway....i guess i am just looking for someone to tell me to do it or dont do it...and i know i wont get that.

Yep...I can't tell you what to do, nor would I want to...this decision is waaaay beyond me. There is no right or wrong answer here, because you are the victim. You can choose to report the crime or not...that is always the choice of the person who has been victimized. However, I would suggest not letting your dad decide for you either. As you've said, this is for you. If the relationship can withstand the truth, then it is a true relationship...if it can't, then there was pretense...but even if the relationship is still pretense, he is your father and this is a tough decision.

Again, I wish you wisdom,

Kevin
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Looking to the future is not pretending that the past never happened; it is accepting the past for what it isa part of us...but remembering that it does not define who we are...
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crissy
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Joined: 14 Sep 2004
Posts: 218
Location: Texas

PostPosted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 12:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Honestly I know the answer in myself....and i know what i must do for me. Like i said before, i have learned to think and feel indepentantly..why stop now. I have made my decision and i am going to talk to my father...and if he leaves me then he leaves me. It will hurt yes....but as you all have said a relationship built on pretense...is really no relationship at all, but what ever the relationship is i have held onto and not wanted to let it go. I dont know how he is going to react....and i know this is not something i can "pray away". I do beleive he will get his in the end......and i still believe in justice...here on earth. I need my voice to be heard....i need to defend myself when i could not years ago. I am able to now....and i am going to do so. I will keep you all posted as how it comming. Thanks alot for all of your support!
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ivonne
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Joined: 09 Jun 2004
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 3:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

There is also the hope of gaining something here. In risking the rocky relationship, if your father turns out to be able to handle the truth, it could turn out to make your relationship with him better. This is what happened after I told my mom the truth about the abuse.

It happened again after I told my mom last januari that I was deeply hurt by the fact that my brothers and sisters believed I was a whore when I lived in the US. Another level of trust between us and an opportunity for her to comfort me in some very real pain.

Who knows, if you risk it all... as you have decided, you may open the door to a more real relationship with your father.

The point Kevin makes is very important. Truth in love...
A tip on telling your dad about this, make sure that you speak about your needs and wants, rather than your opinions and rights.

Good luck,
Ivonne
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crissy
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Joined: 14 Sep 2004
Posts: 218
Location: Texas

PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2005 7:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I talked to my dad tonight.......lots of tears and my eyes hurt. His reaction was just the opposite from what i thought. He told me he understands....loves me...and do what i have to do. I am so releaved to find this to be true and not some fantasy. My relationship with him is real....and not based on pretense. We talked more today than we ever had about the abuse. He knows my suffering now more than he ever did....and he said he suffers too. He showed me his feelings which he had never done before. Made me hurt alittle more because i wish this didnt affect anyone but me. I think i am going to file the report tomorrow....sometime this week. I am full of emotions...trying to live and work each out as they come. Right now i feel like the person that was sitting on my shoulders got up and walked away. What a great feeling it is. I still have a trying time in front of me. We will see what will happen next.
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ivonne
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PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2005 2:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

((((Crissy))))

THis is so beautiful. Your courage has been rewarded hon... I am so happy for you I got tears in my eyes here...

Love you!
Ivonne
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we see them as we are.
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liat
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Joined: 14 Oct 2004
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Location: Australia vic

PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2005 4:49 pm    Post subject: so glad Reply with quote

So very happy for you hon.

Well done for speaking out. You are, as you say, doing it all for you and your healing. There's nothing that can take that from you now....

love of angels, Wink

liat-
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When you stop improving yourself, life improves you. In that relaxation, in that acceptance, life starts caressing you and life starts flowing through you - OSHO

Being real brings real results - Liat
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knelson
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Joined: 06 Dec 2003
Posts: 144
Location: U.S.

PostPosted: Sat May 28, 2005 12:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That is FANTASTIC. Sorry that I didn't respond sooner. I got married on May 7th, and am still trying to get caught up from my honeymoon. However, that is so good to hear...how your dad took things. I can't imagine how you're feeling, but I know that it's got to be a HUGE burden lifted from you. Now, I'm proud of two people, you AND your dad Smile

Keep us posted,

Kevin
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