My Story (with possible triggers)

[Zoe_Valgrey]

When i was three years old my aunts husband gave me and his daughter (also three) cough syrup to make us weak and sleepy. He then raped me orally. I know this happened more than once. I dont know what happened to my cousin because she was behind me and i was too out of it to move.

I'm sorry if i'm writing this in a blunt manner but its my way of not flipping out about telling you all.

My father also forced me to give him oral sex starting when i was a toddler. I don't know if he even knew that he wasn't the only one doing this. It almost seems like i have a new memory of my fathers abuse everyday at this point. I guess it feels better to be releasing then to be waiting for a memory to come back for weeks or months or years. Sometimes i feel it looming like a wave.
It seems like all i dream of these days are tsunamis...

My mother was a complete waste as far as helping me goes. she knew my father was insane and a drug user, but she left me with him anyway. what does that say about her? now she wont let me talk about my childhood, she says i'm dwelling in the past, and that its not healthy. all i want is validation and for her to say "I'm sorry i F$%^ed up big time." but at this point it doesnt seem like thats going to happen. i even think she's afraid of me and secretly hates me for not "letting it go."