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Rosie
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Joined: 30 Aug 2006
Posts: 7058

PostPosted: Mon May 25, 2009 7:13 am    Post subject: almost done Reply with quote

I may not remember these things
I may not ever remember them again
But that doesn't mean I don't love you
Because I hurt you
Doesn't mean I'm not sorry
It doesn't mean I'm not willing to try
I don't want to give up
I hope you dont either
I still want my goal
I still love my dream
I love you
I will always love you
I loved you before I knew you

I know my mistakes
I know what I did
I know I hurt you so badly
I know i betrayed your trust
I know I let you down
But I want to love you
I want you to love me
I want to reach my goal
And I want to live my dream










point is, I love you sooo so so so so so so much. I'm sorry. I know this wont make up for the confusion and the hurt. I know. Believe me I know so much that this will not help. I know it might have hurt you. I know I did wrong. I know you can't handle this and I know you are dealing with so much right now but the only thing I want to do, is hold you. I want to switch places. I wish I had your pain. You don't know how much I wish it. I wish I could take it. I want to take it. I want to feel it. I want to feel how I hurt you. I want to hold you and cry for you because of what I did. I know i might get into trouble for this stuff I've just done but please please please...I don't care. They can kick me off the forum, they can do whatever they want, i'd do anything for you and I will do anythign I can to show you how sorry I am. And how much I truly do love you and how badly I want to work to gain your trust again. I want it all back. I love you so much, taubah. I love you.
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Taubah
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Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 1239
Location: Indiana

PostPosted: Mon May 25, 2009 5:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hi there love.

just give me a few days i guess. i am not angry with you, and yes i know you love me, it's not really a question of do you love me or do i love you. Like i said before there are many things that go into loving a person, go into a relationship, feelings are just one. And actually it is on, i would believe, the most basic level.

When a parent loves a child for example, yeah they have the feelings, you get the feeling when you are pregnant at least i did. as soon as i found out i was pregnant BAMB loved them to pieces. But once their born, once they are real, and i have to take care of them and do all the things i have to do for them,even when i don't want to, or am afraid to etc. the way i do them, and that i do them prove i love them more than me saying it, and more than me feeling it.

In any long term relationship you have to have more than just a feeling of love for someone when interacting on a certain level.
I will use el. as an example ok?

I love her, but I've had those feelings of love for her since she first challenged me to say anything to her and it wouldn't offend her. First time i had ever had anyone tell me that. So instant love.
but as the time went on the year and some months i've known her, i've learned to respect her, i learned to trust her, admire her, see her boundaries and respect them etc. etc.

So yeah, for me, the truth is one of those things that are extremely important. And yes i expect the truth from people i interact with, especially the level of interaction i have with you. And i told you that from the jump. I told you that anything you say to me I'll believe you. We work from a place of truth because i'm not there, not only that, i don't want to get into the habit of doubting people,, and anyway that is too time consuming and i have other things to do. Normally doesn't really matter either way to me, lie truth, it is that persons persinal business you just asked for my help in it.

It is mostly because i try to be as opened minded with people as i can, #*$# u can tell me you like #$$% window seals and i will accept that and if need be try and help you through that and move along in the relationship, even with a person i don't know all that well, or am not all that close to. I do love at the drop of a hate normally to some degree, i think that all people deserve love.

But a person has to earn my respect and all those things that come in order for me to put time and energy into a relationship with them. I can talk to a person, listen, and help a person to the best of my ability wihout being in a relationship with them, but still love them.

So yeah, after a sertain point, yeah, i expect anythign and everything that goes on between us, as in u and I, would at least be at the level of truth.

The reason i would have to take some time is not because i'm o so angry with you, or omg u lied, but more so to evaluate my expectations from this relationship. I am not the kind of person to talk just to blow smoke, if i say something normally i mean it. of course not all people are like that. but me, i think words are important. If you don't trust me, that is ok, if you don't know that if you want my attention you can simply talk to me, that is ok too, but i need to find out how much i am willing to ....... don't know the word to use.

you obviously wanted me to find it out was not the truth, or you wouldn't have us ( he and I) communicate. And yeah i know u have your own issues as to why you do the things you do, and that wont change my love for you, but it may hault the level of energy i put in.. at least for a while.

In retrospect, it shouldn't affect me, if it was anyone else i wouldn't care honestly, I'd be like 'd*mn but u know move on, no personal damage done to me, just some lost time, energy. But see at this point in my life, i don't have a whole lot of energy, and my emotions and the stuff going on with me are not at a place where i can easily ignore. As a matter of fact, the help i use to do with other people with um, normal issues i dont' do any more, because i don't have the energy.. i think because i had a certain expectation here where i normally have none, that i actually did get burned. first time for everything.

shrugs.
_________________
Parched. dry. i run-
across your soul.
the faceless me i chase,
voiceless and untold.
~Taubah
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ivonne
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Joined: 09 Jun 2004
Posts: 5874
Location: the netherlands

PostPosted: Mon May 25, 2009 9:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There's true lies too.

Meaning that someone can tell something totally made up and there will be truth in it on some level. Like, it's the kind of lie only you would tell because of your personal history, character, individual make up.

I generally try to listen to people on that level. Not so much whether what someone tells is the literal truth, but what is mean to be conveyed in the story. What the story and the telling thereoff tells me about the person.

I don't know if that helps, but that's the way I see it.

Ivonne
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We dont see things as they are,
we see them as we are.
-Anas Nin
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Rosie
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Joined: 30 Aug 2006
Posts: 7058

PostPosted: Mon May 25, 2009 11:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i was planning on giving you and him both a really long time. still am.
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Taubah
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Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 1239
Location: Indiana

PostPosted: Tue May 26, 2009 2:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

......poke
_________________
Parched. dry. i run-
across your soul.
the faceless me i chase,
voiceless and untold.
~Taubah
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Rosie
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Joined: 30 Aug 2006
Posts: 7058

PostPosted: Tue May 26, 2009 2:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

poke Crying or Very sad Smile *teary smile thing...they need an emoticon like that*
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Taubah
Posting Freak
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Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 1239
Location: Indiana

PostPosted: Tue May 26, 2009 4:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

poke poke poke poke poke
_________________
Parched. dry. i run-
across your soul.
the faceless me i chase,
voiceless and untold.
~Taubah
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Rosie
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Joined: 30 Aug 2006
Posts: 7058

PostPosted: Tue May 26, 2009 6:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

poke
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ivonne
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Joined: 09 Jun 2004
Posts: 5874
Location: the netherlands

PostPosted: Tue May 26, 2009 3:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

well, I'm glad to see you guys are talking...

Wink
Ivonne
_________________
We dont see things as they are,
we see them as we are.
-Anas Nin
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Taubah
Posting Freak
Posting Freak


Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 1239
Location: Indiana

PostPosted: Tue May 26, 2009 4:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

no we're not! Razz

poke
_________________
Parched. dry. i run-
across your soul.
the faceless me i chase,
voiceless and untold.
~Taubah
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