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Can I press charges 26 years later?
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amabelle1434
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 07, 2009 12:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you for replying again Terri.

I think that's why I've taken so long to do anything. I have to come to terms with the fact that I have a lot on my plate. I have a lot to consider. I wasn't completely decided I wanted to persue anything and I now really want to. But yes u are right, wanting to do it is one thing and really knowing all of what's coming is another thing. I have to consider everything I will put myself through. It will bring a lot back to light. Perhaps lots of details I have supressed because they are to painful. My husband is angry. He's angry at the abuser. Ever since we were dating, he knew that something had happened becuase I explained it to him. But now he sees how it has affected me all of these years. He also dislikes my mother's personality because she is so self centered and selfish. He's angered that she didn't do what she needed to do when she needed to do it. I haven't spoken to my mother for over a week, not to say that our relationsip was wonderful before that. I have to have a sit dow, heart to heart with my mother and accept the fact that she may not admit to all her wrondoing. My sister and I are both afraid that she will only appologize for her benefit. Because it's now she who needs us. I don't know how long it will take me to get over my anger for her and resentment that I feel. Perhaps I need to learn more on how to deal with the Borderline Personality Disorder and maybe then I can understand my feelings more and accept them. I don't know how I am going to manage all of this.

Taubah,

Your poem reminds me of how helpless I felt then and how needy of my mothers acknowledgement I feel now. Thank you so much for caring. I hope you don't mind, I copied your poem but will only keep it for personal use. Thanks.

I will keep all your suggestions in mind and really work on making myself heal. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.
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Taubah
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Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 1239
Location: Indiana

PostPosted: Sat Mar 07, 2009 12:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

thank you for liking my poem. I do not mind you copying it and you are welcome to do whatever with you you like as long as you keep my name on it Wink

i didn't read all your post, i will later cause...well... i'm a bit overwhelmed with words right now, so ... but take care.
_________________
Parched. dry. i run-
across your soul.
the faceless me i chase,
voiceless and untold.
~Taubah
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Terri
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Joined: 27 Oct 2006
Posts: 121

PostPosted: Sat Mar 07, 2009 2:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Amabelle ... you have suffered and you have every right to be frustrated and offended ... but please consider what I replied to your other thread in Family Issues:
Quote:
What struck my core, triggering my heart to skip a beat .... your mom actually

Notified police
Pressed charges
Removed the threat
Established your immediate, home safety
Divorced

Most importantly ..... she believed you


Those are precious elements to any survivor who was not so fortunate. Whose mothers called them liars and continued to live with the man/men who raped their daughters/sons.

I have no doubt your mother carries guilt and is operating in defense mode whenever you brooch the subject. Every time she sees the "victim mode" in your eyes, a blatant reminder of her choices. If you harbor a degree of hostility beneath the surface rage when you speak with her, she will react in kind. Each of you mirror-reflecting the support you give or fail to give to each other. Yes ... she is accountable for her decisions, but I urge you to drop your guard, open your mind and at least attempt to see things from her perspective. Today is a very different generation than the era you were assaulted. We are all human ... Did not Christ plea:
Quote:
Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. (Luke 23:34)

His words from the cross, asking forgiveness for those who put him to death. More widely, of course, the plea was for all humanity. Amabelle ... until you gain a sense of objective humanity, I do not suggest opening a dialogue with your mom. You said you wanted to have a heart to heart conversation .... well, are you up to fulfilling your part of the heart?

When we have trouble letting go of anger, it is typically because we have been using rage to empower ourselves. It's an emotions with a short, effective life-span and loses its point of usefulness; then becomes a source of constant anxiety. Prolonged anger contaminates our thoughts and occludes other options of apprehending.

I apologize if I am too direct; however, I have been in your situation, and my impatience to confront without a grounded, unemotional clarity and sense of human compassion triggered years of pain my entire family, husband and child suffered. I hope you do not make the same mistake I did. There is more at stake than just your well-being ... and as survivors we often fail to see the world outside of our own experiences.

Grace and wisdom for you ....
Terri ;o)
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amabelle1434
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Joined: 03 Mar 2009
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 07, 2009 3:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No need to appologize. See this is what I need objectivity and clarity which I clearly lack when I'm juggling this issue. I will respond in the family issues thread because this court thread is no longer so much about court issues anymore.
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Geriberry
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Joined: 23 Feb 2011
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 3:17 am    Post subject: Hello Reply with quote

I am not sure about US laws and I guess they vary from state to state to. I made a video statement tothe Police regarding my childhood sexual abuse. I was treated with the upmost respect and also told if I wanted to drop the case at any time I could.What happened then an investigation was launched and the perperator was arrested and bailed pending more enquiries. The perpetrator was told by the Police if he contacted me or used third parties to do so that he would face further charges of wittness intimidatiation. All the way along I have felt empowered and listened to. The case has now gone to the CPS and I am awaiting a decision which is iminent.
I hope this is of some help?
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