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Joined: 03 Jan 2011
Posts: 4

PostPosted: Fri Jan 21, 2011 9:52 pm    Post subject: MASTURBATING AND MARRIAGE Reply with quote

We recently meet with a Christian counselor and she said, "I should masturbate and not have sex with my wife." I have very strong issues about masturbating I am totally against the act. My wife told me during this session that her four older brothers did such things in front of her while they molested her and she didn't enjoy it however she would perform oral sex on them once they started. We have been married for sixteen years and now this. The emotional disconnect is at a point to i really don't know what to do. I love her but she is bring up more of her past and don't want any sexual contact with me without bring up her brothers, ex-boyfriends and what another molested lady friend of her tells her about sex and that sex is bad for her at this time. The counselor seems to agree with her friend and says "i'm wrong to want to have sex with my wife. ANY OPINIONS OR OPTIONS FOR ME.
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Posting Freak
Posting Freak

Joined: 30 Aug 2006
Posts: 7058

PostPosted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 7:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

you arent wrong about wanting sex but you have got to remember this act is directly attached to what hurt her. this act is what hurt her. sex hurt her. no matter who it is with, she will hurt. dont push sex, that'll hurt her more. there is nothing wrong with masturbation. dont do it in frontof your wife. if you need to have some sort of sexual satisfaction and she cant give it to you, masturbate. there is nothing wrong with it. people just make you think it's dirty.

Almost scary isn't it?
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Joined: 08 Dec 2003
Posts: 201

PostPosted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 1:25 am    Post subject: I Know What You're Saying Reply with quote

Hi Shortilongcreme
I hear you. My wife has had our sexual relationship on hold for 12 1/2 years. Her Christian counsellor is good with this. My wife is good with this. I am dying. Neither one can see the damage that the imposing of celibacy is having on our marriage. When my wife told me that my needs were not hers, and that she wouldn't be meeting them, it was devastating. As for masturbation, that does not do the trick. It may allow a physical release but it does nothing for the emotional side of a romantic sexual relationship. And the sexual relationship is foundational to a marriage. The death of a sexual relationship through one partner's choice will always have profoundly negative impact on the marriage. Counsellors are often in favour of long term suspension of sexual activity, but have no statistical evidence that this helps. You and I know that it is devastating to the marriage relationship. If the marriage relationship is devastated, how do the counsellors expect that marital devastation will help the healing process???? Hope you can survive this.

All the best, William.
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