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***triggers*** letter from small me*** triggers***

 
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this shouldnt be out here!
indeed it should not
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no this is what here is for
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Total Votes : 1

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lost ID
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Joined: 25 Nov 2007
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 12:37 am    Post subject: ***triggers*** letter from small me*** triggers*** Reply with quote

hi
I am six. I think
I get into trouble a lot
itís cause I scream a lot
I just scream cause I have nothing else to anymore

I had fantasy too, like her
it was always the same,
I was trapped, or just in pain and then somebody from tv comes that always frees the good guys
and she frees me! and holds me and tells I am ok
Itís my bestest dream ever

it only a dream thou, me for real nobody has even looked at for ages
a yea sometimes, but we always get trouble then
I have to go away again

I had this idea that if you could grow up a bit and be like an older version of me, you know do bad things for money, we could be notice

but older said that was bad

thatís when I stopped having any new dreams

and ppl stopped coming around to look at me all together
no one ever ever ever ever looks at me. and I am very mad about that, I want somebody to come and find me

yea older me, she ainít no good I can tell you, she isnít looking at what I might want, just how we stick to rules so she gets keep all she has.

I always wanted to be a ballerina when grew up, even got mom to buy shows once, then I had to go away
I wanted to play with other in school but then things got scary and I had to go away again

so I have to sit by myself all the time, with nobody to like me
and did do nice things before, I love singing, am not good but love to do it and I always wanted to dance.

and I love to help, al thou I ask to many things

I am rude to ppl too that is one reason i get in trouble
when they do come to tell they want to talk to me i tell thatís not possible
thatís not nice of me and i would rather be nice and talk to them
but then i would have to ask them all the time if they need to make me go away yet
and thatís just possible to with real ppl
so when somebody comes to me they cant speak with me
itís not nice

i also dont like it if ppl look at me i dont know why
i scream or hurt them so they go away
it works well, itís almost fun, cause it something to do
but itís always over and then there is nobody and nothing to do
thatís bad too

and hurting other or scream is bad so after i do that, things are double bad


these days I am just sad most of the time, I come back we cry and scream and thatís not good so I always have to go back
makes me even sadder
I just wanna go back to what use to dream but I donít hope anymore anybody from anywhere comes in the end, itís foolish

this letter has no real purpose
itís just because I want to write for once
you donít have to notice me now, I know ppl donít really like to, it confuses them I have been told
so this is just nothing

I donít have a name anymore so I guess I am just done writing.


ps. I also to like make pretty things for others, but i am not very good with crafts
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if I forget remind me"Courage isn't the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important

While I feel more and more like screaming for the scar you left behind
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ivonne
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Joined: 09 Jun 2004
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Location: the netherlands

PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 3:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi,

I'm 43, well most of me is. I have inners like you.

My youngest one is Punky, she sais hi. She's one and a half and she doesnt talk much yet, but she's friendly and always up for dancing. She mostly likes to sit around sucking her thumb it seems. It's allright for her to do that, she is not hurting anyone and loves to cuddle up. Sometimes she get's pushy and wants to get her way. She doesn't always get to have it her way, basically the adult decides. She does get playtime though. Perhaps you can speak with your adult about getting some playtime too.

What do you mean by "being bad for money"? Like sex kind of bad? Or like killing people or something like that. I've thought about that for a while and I don't think of having sex as being bad anymore. I don't think doing it for money would be my thing, I kind of like doing it with people I know and love. People I can trust.

My other inner is a lot like you. She doesn't have a name and is very angry a lot. She has a hard time trusting people and it was difficult to have any kind of friendship when she would take over. She looked down on people or would just sit at home feeling depressed. Then she would complain how noone noticed her and feel sad about that. Anyway, I gave her a job. She has made a list of things to look for in people that tell if someone can be trusted. She's really smart about things like that because she's very alert. She notices every little thing about people's trustworthiness. But then, she used to just scream at them or break up with them or something. Now she reports to me. I takes her comments seriously and thinks of a way to best handle the situation. This works out pretty good, as long as I do take her seriously. Sometime I fail to do so and then she starts to act out again.

Anyway, that's kind of how it is inside me. If you feel like doing something nice, lost ID with no name, perhaps you can visit Punky in the playhouse and watch a video with her or something. She get's lonely sometimes and loves to cuddle...

Ivonne
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we see them as we are.
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lost ID
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Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 410

PostPosted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 2:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am trying to figure out if I am aloud on play dates without supervision, I think I am not, cause when I was real real I use get these terrible moods in which i screamed..

I dont want punky to be hurt or scared

I meant the thing with the S...
lost told me we also thought of the other one..but I think she was older then
I never thought of that

I really like you said hi to me, Smile)) I am sorry I didnt write back before, Lost ask me to stay in.. I make her tired..

sometimes I really want to play, but usually to upset and I don't feel like doing anything anymore, I remember I liked swimming and dancing when somebody lifts me and I fly, but that really only sometimes

I was told i liked to be hugged, by our mother, but I dont remember that
_________________
if I forget remind me"Courage isn't the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important

While I feel more and more like screaming for the scar you left behind
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ivonne
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Joined: 09 Jun 2004
Posts: 5873
Location: the netherlands

PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 5:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Doing the sex for money thing wouldn't be so badc if it was socially more acceptable. That really bugs me, I mean, the killing thing, you can join the army and make a carreer out of it and it's "well respected". Whereas the sex thing, which is much less harmful than killingry is considered "bad"

It wasn't the right choice for me in the end, never went through with it. But I refuse to think of sex as bad. Anyway, the sex that was done to me wasn't about sex anyway. It was about control and power.

Ivonne
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We donít see things as they are,
we see them as we are.
Ė-AnaÓs Nin
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lost ID
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Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 410

PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 5:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

but i wanted to do them because then ppl would see and make sure it stopped. cause it was wrong
Lost says it not ok to hurt myself that way but I like things to look like they really feel instead of different
Lost says things dont look painfull at all, but i canít feel something that is not there
so i say she is wrongs
she says i am confussed

i say she is wrong and stupid, i am one that feels here, would like to see her try!
_________________
if I forget remind me"Courage isn't the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important

While I feel more and more like screaming for the scar you left behind
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ivonne
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Joined: 09 Jun 2004
Posts: 5873
Location: the netherlands

PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 6:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, that might be a good idea, to have her feel into what you're feeling?

I think it takes a lot of self-awareness to become a prostitute, you have to know the difference between love and sex really well. And when sex is what you do for a living it becomes work I suppose.

I kind of feel like you would have to be fully healed in order to do that and be sure that it's not a way of hurting yourself more. Hurting yourself because you feel you don't deserve better, or because you think your body doesn't belong to you anyway, of because you feel you can't ever have true love or whatever it is that you feel about it.

So in a way, I guess it's a good thing that ID is saying no, for now, at least untill she can feel into your feelings and make her choice accordingly.

Ivonne
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we see them as we are.
Ė-AnaÓs Nin
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