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falling in love and getting depressed instead of happy

 
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good topic?
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lost ID
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Joined: 25 Nov 2007
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 2:37 am    Post subject: falling in love and getting depressed instead of happy Reply with quote

falling in love and getting depressed instead of happy
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iwasfour
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Joined: 02 Nov 2007
Posts: 45
Location: Clevland, Ohio

PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 2:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

********may trigger************
is this off topic let me know ok
Falling in love means to me.
I have to take a chance.
I have to trust.
It dosent mean sex/Iv'e made that misunderstanding/ confusion 2 many times to count in the past.
It means I have to let them see all of me
and some times I don't even want to see all of me
so how could some one else want to? yeah I got issues with trust and anger.
and self esteem. so its very hard to let go. but if I don't trust I don't think I'll have a chance at a healthy relationship, I can't remember ever having one that I didn't , push away/alienate and just plain drive off
So when I feel myself caring for some one
I don't trust my own judgement anymore and this hurts and leads to tears and feelings. Feelings for other people... two edge sword joy and sadness..will they still love me if they know? does it make a difference? Do I want to take another chance on being hurt? hurting someone else?
yeah depression. To keep going through this takes strenght that I don't always have sorry
If this doesn't belong here let me know I just saw the topic and well its..
it hit home kinda
my husband wasnts to know if I want the divorce for real.
like me not living with him for almost two years didn't make that clear.
sorry
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lost ID
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 7:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i dont think it's offtopic, i think you are saying you would like to discus this topic on this forum. and that is what i ask
also you gave better description of the subject then I did, thank for that.
for me as person there also this should be add the description of the topic

i personal still have a lot trouble separation being in loving and having i feeling i'll have to make physical contact to get love back
then am suck and i get down.

maybe i should mark the topic as possible trigger thou.
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iwasfour
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Joined: 02 Nov 2007
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Location: Clevland, Ohio

PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 8:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It wasn't Meant to trigger.
Sometimes I fell like I should put trigger on everything I post or maybe I'm just Being oversensitive,
I'm sorry for changing the tone of your subject if you wanted it to be sweet, There aren't enough sweet things in life and falling in love can be and is sweet and beautiful.
I'm sorry didn't mean to turn this dark it just reminds me of ..well
of similar feelings that didn't turn out so well and well poor choices on my part.
Sorry maybe you should mark this as a possible trigger.
Lost ID
I still think that this is a good topic but I don't think to many will want to explore this and its unfortunate.

It takes a lot of strength to face this one and the feelings it brings out maybe because the idea of love and falling in love has been twisted and turned against us so that it takes a lot of hard work to be able to break away and not turn our joy of falling in love into depression and sadness.
sorry
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ivonne
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 6:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Basically anything and everything can be a trigger to someone. Putting triggerwarnings on everything kind of defeats it's purpose. Keep triggers for things related to actual sexual content, violence and things that deal directly with the dynamics of abuse. The main reason for the trigger-warnings isn't to avoid people getting triggered in the first place, but to be forewarned about the content of things.

As far as falling in love and getting sad rather than happy: I've had that happen, mostly because I was jealous of things other people took for granted. Like having a family or raising one. Sometimes geing in a relationship makes me more acutely aware of not having a family I can count on, because my partner does have that.

I've come to find out, sad as it may be, that most if not all people have an iffy relationship with their family. Either they are honest about their lives and have a strained, stressful relationship with their parents, or they hide what's so about themselves and have a smooth (if somewhat empty) relationship with their parents.

I've come to the conclusion that more or less everyone is hurt growing up and it's not so much what happened than it is how you deal with what happened that determines whether you can be happy.

Coming back around to the question at hand: By acknowledging that I was jealous I was able to move past it. I could be truly happy with my boyfriend without the blast from the past. That's healed, bit by bit...

Ivonne
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We don’t see things as they are,
we see them as we are.
–-Anaîs Nin
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iwasfour
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Location: Clevland, Ohio

PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2007 7:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello Ivonne

I don't think its the jealousy thing I have a family and they very important and precious to me.

My sisters my brothers and my children even mom with her issues is still my mom she has her own healing to do for herself.

I think maybe its just waiting for the other shoe to drop, will they stay when they know?

Do they have the patience to wait, when say stop?

Till I can heal this part of my life. I that there are some things I am no longer willing to put up with as I emerge through this stage of my life.
That look in they're eyes you know the one, were they can't handle a situation where strong emotion is involed so they start pulling away, rather than hurt me or themselves. and it always starts with the eye contact or lack there of they stop meeting your eyes, I've seen it, they're eyes start sliding to the left. When you ask whats wrong.

See I know first hand, I have spent time on the other side of those eyes.
I'm terrified of letting someone else care and caring, then to have to see that look on their face or in their eyes.

See as I reckon it, I can't seem to recall the last time I was connected physically and emotionally while being intimate with someone that cared about me and that I cared about, and I've been on the receiving end of it to
and recognized it to late, to my sorrow an the other persons annoyance so its no relationships for me for a while, but the sadness for me left for a short while when was with my husband before I was ***** by him and after that well it was just easier to go away somewhere else inside my head.

This is not what want to go through for the remainder of my life and I truly want to be able to share myself with some one and not hold back the emotions or go away when things get to intimate, even if its just a conversation or holding hands or sharing laughter and joy I don't want to go away anymore. I want to be present all of me not just my physical being but psychologically and emotionally I'm only taking baby steps in this direction right now.

But the sadness isn't from jealousy of what the other person has its what I haven't been able to give in twenty years to anyone, especially to myself thats what bothers me the most I would like to be with whomever it is that I fall in love with because not being there is cheating us both.

And for me I think thats where the depression and sadness come from.
this is just on e of the many things I've been working on see I just started sorting things out and decided it doesn't have to be like this I know there are better ways of coping and after a major melt down and finding this website by chance I connected the things so its a lot to take in and deal with in just a month in a half.
these are just my thoughts for me they are just running through my brain
for me this is what makes me sad and depressed when I start falling in love
just my thoughts and feelings here's to healing and leaving the dark places behind accept for cuddling up with some one you love care about and respect.
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ivonne
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Location: the netherlands

PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2007 8:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ever since I've been working on healing I've made it a point to tell people early in the process of getting to know them that I have been abused. I guess in a way I'm testing people on whether they will stay early so I don't get that big a letdown if they aren't able to handle it.

Most often though, it seems me talking about my fears, my pain, my past, my emotions and showing them, allowing them space to be, expressing them with other people has served to forge a bond, rather than break it. I've come to the realization that almost everyone has a hurt abandoned child in them somewhere and the hurts of childhood, while different perhaps in the gruesomeness of their detail, are equal in the pain they've caused to the vulnerable child.

Anyway, that's been my experience. Soon as I found a way to express my pain, I found that sharing it helps to connect to people, rather than drive them away. Finding my voice has helped others find theirs as well.

Ivonne
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We don’t see things as they are,
we see them as we are.
–-Anaîs Nin
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belthane
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Location: the netherlands

PostPosted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 3:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Iwas4,
Read your post, reread it again, don’t get it exactly.
“I think maybe its just waiting for the other shoe to drop, will they stay when they know?”
What do you mean by this? Plle (out of your family?)don’t know about the abuse and you are afraid they walk away if you tell?
And what look in the eyes of other pple exactly you mean?
And you say you don’t want to go away anymore, you mean you will not avoid to express yourself in all what you you are, all your emotions, all .. just in all? When you fall in love with somebody you want to fall in love completely? And you want to be seen completely?
Sorry if I ask too much, just want to understand you as good as I can, because I think you are talking about such an important thing many of us fight with… So hope you’ll answer.
Warm hug,
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