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Lost_alone_within_myself
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Joined: 02 Apr 2007
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 6:07 am    Post subject: Another revictimization question... Reply with quote

Is revictimization something you can move past through time and/or counseling or is it just there forever?
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ivonne
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Joined: 09 Jun 2004
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Location: the netherlands

PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 1:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's something you can move past. You can stop doing it today! It's a matter of becoming concious of when it happens and then doing something different.

Mostly, it's a matter of healing the hurt little child inside so she doesn't need to reach out for the "wrong" kind of support. Learning to trust your own strenght...

Ivonne
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We dont see things as they are,
we see them as we are.
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Gregory
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Joined: 22 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 9:16 pm    Post subject: Changing the Pattern Reply with quote

One thing you might try, that has worked for me, is to stop and give yourself some reflection time and exam your past relationships.

What I discovered is that there was a common thread in all of my boyfriends...they all bore a physical resemblance to one of my childhood abusers and they were all abusive in one way or another. I also realized that the few men that were not abusive I pushed away. In the past I had told myself that they were weak and not strong enough to deal with my personality and me, but I now see that the truth was they were not fulfilling my need to re-victimized.

It is not an easy thing to do, but before you allow yourself to fall back into a relationship, take a hard look at the person. Do they match the past pattern? If so maybe you should walk away.

I still battle with need/desire to be re-victimized. When things seem to be going wrong in my life or I fall into depression, I often feel the need to be punished and to feel that physical and psychological pain. It is hard to learn to love yourself, to realize that others love you and that most importantly God loves you. It is easier for me to find reasons for not being worthy of love than to figure out how someone could love me. But in the end not being a victim wins out.
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