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Moving On Without Forgiving
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Is it possible to heal completely without forgiving the abuser?
yes
66%
 66%  [ 22 ]
no
33%
 33%  [ 11 ]
Total Votes : 33

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rees_mom
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Joined: 11 Oct 2007
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Location: The Fraser Valley, BC

PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 12:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Forgiveness for me is a really hard thing.

My daughters abuser was my boyfriend. For me I dont think I can forgive the fact that he took her innocence away. I cant help but wonder if she will have a normal relationship with a man in her life now. I just know that we will heal in time but forgiveness will not come from me!

I was raped 12 years ago and i have a hard time deciding if i could forgive him, he was the bouncer at a bar and so I believe that he should have been a person of trust. He was in a position to help keep people safe there and he totally took advantage of that position.

Please dont think I am an unforgiving person in all aspects of life because I am not. I just believe that there are certain things that can be forgiven and things that cannot.
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ivonne
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Joined: 09 Jun 2004
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Location: the netherlands

PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 10:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Societal pressure to forgive is allmost equally destructive as the offence in the first place. I'd rather make a stand pleading not to forgive, if I didn't think that healing and moving on with your life depends largely on your ability to forgive.

Forgiveness is misunderstood, I believe. It doesn't excuse a single thing of what has happened. It just recognizes the human failings in the perpetrator.

It doesn't have to be expressed to the perpetrator either, I've found. Just recognizing his humanity has allowed me to move on. He's no longer an issue.

Ivonne
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Meta
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Joined: 09 Nov 2007
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2007 10:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I voted yes simply because I can't forgive this person. He has apologized and I said at the time that I forgave him but I didn't mean it. I live with this every day of my life and on the surface I have a great family and life but this is something still haunts me.
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L2L84
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Joined: 23 Dec 2007
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Location: ohio

PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 7:19 am    Post subject: .......... Reply with quote

"forgive, but never forget"

Easier said then done though huh....
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Francis Joseph Cassavant
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Joined: 17 Jan 2008
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 4:09 am    Post subject: Is forgiveness necessary for healing? Reply with quote

There are so many questions arising from this topic: How does one forgive? What does forgiveness mean? When should one forgive? To whom should forgiveness be extended? Why should one forgive? Is forgiveness meaningful? Is forgiveness possible?

Forgiveness is self-betrayal. Not only is it not necessary for healing, it is counter-productive. The myth of forgiveness is archaic; a vestigial organ of patriarchal belief systems.

I contend that forgiveness of a perpetrator is impossible. Forgiveness, with its connotative significance, is precluded. An offender may, after genuine contrition and reparation, forgive himself, but it is not within the sphere of actuality for the survivor to do so.

Healing happens as we come to understand our innocence, our complete absence of culpability. Forgiveness of the offender, regardless of relationship, is a chimera.

May each of us find the healing and peace we seek and deserve.
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phoenix soul
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 4:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

never in my life will i ever forgive those that abused me. everyone of them knew what they were doing. they had full use of their minds, they knew what they were doing and somewhere inside them i know they knew it was wrong but did it anyways. never will i ever forgive them i'd rather rot in hell myself than to forgive them. if God wants me to forgive them than yeah i'd rather rot in hell because never will i ever forgive them they were wrong what they did was wrong and they knew it.

phoenix
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Meena
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Joined: 08 Jul 2008
Posts: 58

PostPosted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 9:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I forgave the attempted rape that had the most critical reaction in me that I'm still trying to overcome. He loved me and was drunk and did not understand why I would not be with him. He forgot I'd had surgery. He forgot my father was in hospital having a tumour removed. He was lonely and sad and wanting to be with me but unable to say so. He wanted me to make him feel good. He apologised but I know he could never understand that he broke my ability to trust or be touched again by anyone without lots of tears and confidence building. I forgave him because he was a 6'4 child.

I find it hard that I can survive my childhood but be brought to a stop by a man who loved me. I know I should learn that love does not mean harm and that I shouldn't be grateful for a man who hurt me. I understand but do not quite believe in a man who loves me for both our wellbeing.

Is it right to forgive someone because they didn't know any better?
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Rosie
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 10:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm changing my answer on this because actually I have fully forgiven my brother for what he did. Except on bad days i hate him but i do forgive him.
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Meena
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 8:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You're right.

I forgive the people who hurt me. It doesn't stop me hating what it has done to me and ignorance in general.
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Rosie
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 10:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

yeah...today i really just hate it.but that's how it goes.
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