Triggered by stupidity *might trigger*?

[Rosie]

ok....Well, saterday, my brother brought us pizza to eat. Everything was alright until he gave us movie passes. We went on the net to see what movies were playing so we could go the next day and have some fun. I was standing and looking at the movies and he came in to say bye. He put his arm around me and pulled me close to him and gave me a little kiss on the cheek. It wasn't like a brother sister type thing. at least, it didn't feel that way.

The next day we went to the movie and he got off work so he watched the movie with us. I'm not going to say what happened with that because I dont want to. So all of that was triggering.

Last night dad was drinking whiskey like all night. We were all watching tv and he decided to get up and tickle me. I asked him to stop it but no...he's the "adult" and "boss of the house" so he didn't. I got kinda mad at him and said he was making me mad but he just kept on tickling me. If i dont wanna be tickled i mean it. My tickle spot is on my knee and my side almost near the waist of my pants. I dont want to be touched there a whole lot.

he was definetally buzzed from all that #*$# whiskey. He kept picking on me and eventually I told him if he didn't stop it I'd hit him and he said No you will not. I was scared. I truly was and I don't like that either. at one point during the tickling he was on top of me and I got really really scared. He just kept tickling me and I wanted him to leave me alone.

It triggered me to the point of wanting to be by myself. So i went to my room and started playing a video game. I'm at the last level. Anyway, I went to bed an hour earlier than i usually do and I didnt sleep much. with the sleep i did get, i got another weird dream.

anyway, how do i get through to him that I dont wanna be tickled if i say dont? because i'm tired of being all weepy like i have been and i just wanna feel safe and...yeah.
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Almost scary isn't it?

[ivonne]

I'm sorry you had to go through that Rosie. I can't stand it when people do that and I think it wasn't even a trigger, I'd call that abuse in it's own right.

Someone with power over you touched you when you didn't want to be touched and continued to do so even after you told him not to. I hate it when parents do it to little three year olds and doing it to a 15 year old seems wildly inappropriate to me. I know that is just my opinion, but I'd be curious to hear other peoples opinion on that.

You got angry and scared and this was you're father you were angry and scared at. That's not right and tickling you like that is not safe behavior on his part. Good for you for going to your room/safety.

((((((ROSIE)))))

Ivonne
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We don’t see things as they are,
we see them as we are.
–-Anaîs Nin

[Rosie]

how many times are you gonna make me cry? gosh...thank you though.
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Almost scary isn't it?

[Rosie]

i need some ideas...or help or something. I can't take him tickling me anymore. Yesterday he put his cold hands under my shirt on the small of my back to show that they were cold and i told him to stop and tried to pull away but i was on the computer and trapped between him and the wall and i hate it. i dont like it. i was watching a music video in here with him and he gave me a friendly smack on the shoulder as in one saying "that's awesome isn't it?" the entire time my heart was beating fast and i was nervous and i can't stand it anymore.
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Almost scary isn't it?

[esmerelda]

Rosie, have you talked to your mom about this? No one should have to put up those unwanted touches, tickling or whatever. In my opinion if someone continues to do what you asked them to stop doing, that's abusive behavior. We have the right to be touched or not be touched by someone else, after all it's your body. It doesn't sound like you have much support from your family on this. I wish I knew how I could help more.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Rosie))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Esmerelda
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I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do. Helen Keller

[Rosie]

havent talked to my mom. not sure i will either. bad day today. just feel like crying.
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Almost scary isn't it?

[esmerelda]

Cry all you want sweetie, I'm here for you. I hope things work out for you.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Rosie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Esmerelda
_________________
I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do. Helen Keller

[Rosie]

they wont. i'm gona crasha bd burn and cut the hell outta my self
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Almost scary isn't it?

[esmerelda]

Rosie, cutting isn't going to stop the pain, isn't going to stop your father from touching/ tickling you when you don't want him to. Cutting is only a temporary solution for not being able to put into words what you're feeling. It's an action/ behavior that tells ppl you're hurting, it won't actually tell them what's wrong or how they can help. I'm learning this my therapist, so I'm passing it along to you. The other night I was so frustrated that I thought about cutting myself, but that's as far as it went, 'cause I didn't cut. But I have talked with my therapist about it, and that's a good thing for me, not giving in to impulse. I don't know if this will help, but just know that I care and that I will offer what comes to mind. Esmerelda
_________________
I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do. Helen Keller

[ivonne]

Perhaps it would help if you write him a note saying what behaviors from him you really don't feel safe with?

Or talk to him at some point, not when it's happening but when you feel relatively cool and untriggered. It might help get the message accross.

(((((((((((ROSIE)))))))))

Ivonne
_________________
We don’t see things as they are,
we see them as we are.
–-Anaîs Nin