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just need to talk
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should i write him a letter?
yes
100%
 100%  [ 7 ]
no
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
Total Votes : 7

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Rosie
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 3:23 am    Post subject: just need to talk Reply with quote

I'm depressed. Probably because of the pain i'm having but...yeah...last night i laid in bed trying to sleep.i sat there watching the fan spin. my brother had put up glow in the dark stars on the ceiling and fan so i was watching them. i started to think. i don't know why but i'm starting to think about the stupid meeting i had with my brother.

i want to write him a letter asking him why he didn't just say it. i want to know. just thinking about him saying he didn't remember hurts really bad. i've had a huge lump in my throat and holding back tears all day. I dont' know why it's bothering me so much but it is.

It's just really bothering me that he didn't say it. I mean, he cried the whole time and apologized for everything. at the beginning i thought maybe it'd all work out. Crying or Very sad i wanted that to be when everything got fixed. Crying or Very sad my dad told me that we get our time in life. he told me that the meeting was my time and that i needed to let everyone know everything. that i needed to say what i have always wanted to say. that it was my time and i shouldn't let it slide by me. I didn't. I used my time. Crying or Very sad but my time was ruined.

he lied in front of them all and everyone knew what had happened. everyone already knew and he lied. Crying or Very sad my mother was mad. not as mad as me but she was mad. she told him that hiding it wouldn't do a #*$# thing because we knew and he needed to be a man and say it. my dad said he needed to be a man and say it too. i said that if he had the guts to do it to me then he should have the guts to say what he did. Crying or Very sad

I just don't understand it and I want to give him a letter asking him why. why is he causing so much pain? why is he lying? why isn't he going to counselling as much? why is he letting this slide? why isnt he trying to fix what he's done?

he's making me hate him. Crying or Very sad I don't want to hate him. i wish i could love him but i can't. i can't forgive him now. he had his chance and he didn't do what he was supossed to. and by doing that, he's hurt me and him. He's hurt everyone.

I don't like this. someone tell me what i need to do.
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Dragonmom4
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 4:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i say write the letter than burn it
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Rosie
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 4:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

but i want an answer.
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Tgrrr10
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 4:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rose, if writing a letter will make you feel better than write a letter, but darling you may never get an answer as to why he didn't say it and is there really an answer that would be good enough?

I wrote my brother a letter last christmas--it was his christmas present. I started off writing that letter to make him feel horrible for what he did. I wanted him to know just how miserable he has made me. I wanted him to get down on his knees and apologize for every last thing he did to me and made me do to him. Mostly I wanted him to know that I hadn't forgotten and his secret was out--I believe I said "you made this my reality, I'm reminding you it's yours" That felt soooo good to write.

When it was all said and done, I wasn't sure if I was going to give it to him, had no idea how he was going to react. I then told myself that, if I gave him that letter it was for me. It was for me to tell him all the things I never had the chance to say, and that I couldn't expect it to change anything.

He never replied to my letter. But I found a freedom from writing it. A part of me felt less burdened and it was then that I truly felt the secret was no longer mine and I didn't need to keep it. It was liberating.

So write that letter if it'll help you find an inner peace or a freedom, but please don't write it expecting to get the answer. That may never happen. It sucks and it's not fair, because the least he owes you is an explaination.

Rose what would you like him to say to you?

T
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Dragonmom4
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 4:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

are you sure you want to know whats going on in his sick twisted little mind?
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avalon140
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 7:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rosie, you said that your dad said that "we get our time in life" you said that this was your time and it was, you were able to say what you needed to say and you were heard. You said your time was ruined, maybe it wasnt? If you were able to say what you needed to say and to be heard then maybe that was what your time was for. It was your time it wasnt his time. Maybe he will have a time that will be for him. I do not know any of your details and not sure how to say what I mean and hope you understand. I just mean that if your were able to do something that helped you then I would think that would be a good thing, and for him not being honest...it only says things about him and gives strengths to your truths.

hugs
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ivonne
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 1:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi rosie,

I voted yes and for the same reasons Tgrrr listed.

I also disagree with the "this is your time" scenario. What was that going to solve? Like: You say what's on your mind and then we'll never talk about it again? Over, done, burried in the past?

That's not the way things work. You need time and time again to process what happened and it's quite allright to take more time.

Sure it's great to be given a window of opportunity to speak your mind, but what if that window shuts? It's NOT your secret.

Write the letter but like Tgrrr said, don't write it expecting a response. You may never get any answers. Write it because this is your time too. You get all the time you need. And ALL the time you have is YOURS.

Ivonne
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Rosie
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 15, 2006 2:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

yes, dragonmom, i want to know why in the hell he did this to me. Why he ruined everything. Why he took away all i had and threw me down for him and him alone. Why he did this. What in the hell made hate me so much that he thought this would be good?

#*$# it. They all owe us some goddamn answers and I'm just cruel enough to get them. These holidays are hanging on his answer. He will respond or this family will never ever be semi-fixed again. never. When i go off with ian and live and marry him and all that, Master Bauer will never ever see me or any children of mine. My mom, dad, and sister will but never will my children know they have an uncle.

I'm going to crush him if he doesn't respond and tell the truth. He took away my childhood. He destroyed my teen years. He #$$% with my life and I can just as easily #$$% with his. I'm not afriad to do it. He owes me and i'll get it. If he doesn't give it to me, then his life is crushed because he'll know that he might as well forget me cuz, when i'm gone, i'm gone and I will not ever come back.

Blackmail or whatever you call it. I do not care. I'll get the answers. I deserve them.

I'm not happy about any of this and I'm definetally not happy with him. It's my turn. He ruined my past...I'll ruin his future. I'll make him so miserable that he'll want to slit his throat. Let him know what he's done. How I think about dying a lot just because he couldn't keep his hands off.

No one is doing anything. No one is pushing him to tell the truth. not one of these people. no one is. all they are doing is "protecting" me. Like protecting involves invading my privacy and treating me differently. Crying or Very sad
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Rosie
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 15, 2006 2:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dang it. Now i'm pissed off and it's causing a lot of pain in my side. I know I won't ever get answers. I don't really care. He'll just never ever see me again.

The thing is...my parents treat me differently than they did before. they...aren't treating me normally. they expect too much from me. my dad thinks that this is all something that you can just forget and get over nad leave behind you instantly. it's not. i know what's in his head. "it's the past. forget it and get over it" that's why i don't go to him. I just can't. I won't. I refuse to go to him about any of this.

I want to have a normal life. I want to live like normal teen. I want to be thinking about things like prom and dances and all that. but i'm thinking about how i';lkl cope with stress and any bad feelings i may have the next day. i'm concentrating on things i need to to survive and they want me focused on dating and school worik. i can't. this doesn't just go away. Crying or Very sad
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Dragonmom4
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 15, 2006 3:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

just be careful
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~~Survivor, Fighter : been shot, stabbed, 3rd % burns, head rammed into window, molested, raped, beaten Cervical Cancer twice, have Bipolar borderline Personality Disorder, and many more horrific things ~
AND I'M STILL KICKING !
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