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So... why is cutting such a bad thing?
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Is cutting really that bad?
yes
42%
 42%  [ 3 ]
no
28%
 28%  [ 2 ]
sometimes
28%
 28%  [ 2 ]
Total Votes : 7

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Aimless
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 1:24 pm    Post subject: So... why is cutting such a bad thing? Reply with quote

Hey guys,

I'm really trying to understand this. Can anyone help me understand why people think that cutting, or other forms of self-harm, are such a bad thing?

I see what it does for me, how it helps me and i see so many people that cut... i've forgotten, i think, what makes it so bad?

Why do we have to stop, anyway?

Hmmm... what do you think?
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Mouse
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 3:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

huh.... this is a tough issue... why do people think...

To tell the truth I have not met one single human being who understands all that survivor thing if she/he hasn't been in it or seen how it is. The exception are our therapists, of course.

I have been seeking this understanding firstly in my home, then expecting it from my friends. Nothing... So who remains then?

In my case her name is Mouse, in your case -- Amy. She is the best "parent', the best "friend", the best "person", the best everything for herself. You need only her understanding.

Why do we have to stop?

We don't have to stop. I mean... well, I'm not encouraging it but this is not the main question. The main thing is riding the wave as one good friend who used to be here said quite frequently. The main thing is healing. I think it's very possible that a healed soul will not need self-harm. May be it doesn't sound practical but this is how I see it. Because concentrating on stopping can make things worse. Accepting yourself the way you are now will make them better. We have experienced things no kid should experience. But we have and have survived. So we need and deserve to be treated very well. With kindness, not censure.

Be well,
Mouse
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ivonne
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 4:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I so much agree with Mouse. Kindness is the answer.

Cutting is the childs answer to pain and confusion. We have to stop selfharm, not for the sake of stopping it, but because there are better ways to answer pain and confusion. We are no longer the children we once were, allthough part of us is stuck at the child level.

hugs and blankets work better against a child's pain and when we are triggered into feeling like the child, we need to also remind ourselves that we are the adult as well. The adult we are now can handle the pain we had then. Sure it's hard and we may need help. We need some others around who understand, we need to write, we need to sit in a closet and tremble sometimes. It's okay to need all those things and as adults we also know how to provide them.

Sometimes things are so triggering that we get threatened out of being aware that we are adults as well. We go into the safe zone, where we're only half aware of what goes on in "the real world". Those are the times when the child is most frightened.

Some people (with less damage from the past) enjoy feeling like a kid again. That is not the case for us. We do have a choice though to act upon that feeling or to act from the adult point of view.

It's a little like: you're finding your child standing in the open window of your two story house, convinced he's peter pan and can fly. If you freak and scream at her, she's likely to lose her balance and plummet. If you demand that she comes down at once, she's in her terrible two's so she'll put her foot down and insist on flying. If you coax her off the ledge with cocoa, a stuffed animal and a warm hug you have the best available chance of saving her. Once she's off the ledge, by all means freak out and educate the kid on the laws of gravity, but the first responsibility is getting her off the ledge.

Self harm is like the ledge,
Ivonne
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Iam
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 5:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have a good friend named Jamie. When Jamie was in about the fourth grade, she started self-mutilating herself. She made no effort to hide what she was doing, she would come to school with huge sores on her arms. I grew up with her so I know what her home life was like, her dad was a drunk and her mother was afraid of him so he pretty much got away with anything he would slap her really hard.....and then he would tell her to stop crying or he was going to give her something to cry about. I asked her once why she hurt herself like that...she told me that she was giving herself something to cry about. It was like she didn't feel like being abused by him was a good enough reason, she had to punish herself for crying or for feeling bad. I have no idea if that is why anybody self harms, I see girls around with scars and it makes me wonder why they do it....what is going on with thier lives that makes them want to hurt themselves? I have even tried to talk to a few but of course....girls don't talk about serious stuff to guys like me so I never really got any answers.

I personally hate to see anybody inflict any more pain on themselves, they don't deserve it but I have read enough that I think I understand why they do it. This is just the veiwpoint of someone looking in from the outside, I certainly don't make light of anybodys pain, or the method they use to deal with it. I live in a glass house.....I don't throw stones.
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Aimless
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 7:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hmmm.

those are good points. i never thought about the cutting thing as a child's response to pain.

however, about those blankets and hugs as a better response... that may well be true, but so hard to find. while it helps to have people here, sometimes i really need a real hug, ya know?

i don't think i'm any better at handling the pain now than i was when i was a child. i'm just as bad, if not worse.

as for stopping... i guess i do know that we don't have to. it just feels like everyone thinks we should.

amy
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 7:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think the reason that everyone says stop self-harming is because you have sufferered too much already, and nobody wants to see you hurt anymore.
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 12:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

but that doesn't account for the times when cutting is a replacement for suicide. when i feel dead inside, the cutting helps me to feel... it gives me something to live for, as absurd as that may sound.

i know that in the long run, we want to get to a point when we are able to heal without cutting... but certainly it can be used positively as a tool. right?
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Daisy
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 12:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi amy.

I agree on that child thing.

I have a little 10-year old inside me, who was that little sad girl 10 years ago. I have now realized sheīs still with me, lives under there and cries and wantīs to be seen. She wantīs to tell her story.

And she also wantīs to hurt us.
And there, you have your reason to stop hurting youself. That little scared lonely girl is still in there... and now, itīs up to you to protect her. Be that adult she never had...
I used to think so...

Maybe you donīt feel in that way... But still, itīs importand to take care of youself... and not continue with the abuse. Now itīs time to heal, and to feel like your life is just as much valuable as any others.
To hurt yourself itīs not a way to get there...

Iīm in that cutting thing myself, so I know just how you might feel. But I do think that itīs someting that needs to be broken.

Love
/Daisy
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Aimless
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 12:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i'm not saying it isn't something that needs to be broken.

i guess i'm just trying to understand why people react so strongly against cutting... is it simply because they don't understand?

i don't know. i think part of putting this out here is to help myself get over it... the less of a secret it is, the easier it is for me to walk away from it.

and about protecting that child... i wonder sometimes if she's worth it. nobody else seemed to think so, who am i to disagree with everyone i grew up with? my viewpoint is so skewed now, i have no idea what is true and what is not. i don't trust anything i see...
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redearth11
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 12:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Amy - PROTECT THAT CHILD - no-one else bothered when you were growing up, but you can help sort that out now because you are the adult.

You can be there for her, cuddle her when she is scared, wipe away her tears and stand in the way of her and any more hurt......you really can do this, fight against those people who didn't do it in the first place and you show them how much better and stronger than them you are Amy.

Give her a hug from me, x
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