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"DREAM" Images *** MAY TRIGGER!!!!***
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Do dreams have a true meaning?
Yes, I think they do.
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Nah, they're just a pigment of our wild imagination.
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Total Votes : 6

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ivonne
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 11:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Chispita,

There are no stupid questions.

It's okay to be nervous and it's okay that you don't want to burden them, but at the same time, if a friend of yours were to tell you that they were hurting, or nervous, or lonely, would you feel burdened? Or would you be happy that they reached out to you?

You know you have connected when you talk to someone and you feel like they understand you and you understand them. How deeply you are connected is a matter of time and creating many moments in which you experience the connectedness.

If you end up feeling hurt, ask yourself where you went wrong? Did you expect too much? Did you connect to the "wrong" person? If you made a mistake then look at it and learn from it. If you end up getting hurt, get up and try again, having learned a way of not doing it.

You can't know if you can trust someone unless you risk trusting them. you can look for clues. One thing I'm alert on is how people talk about other people. Someone who talks nasty about their ex, or about people that used to be friends, i'm not quite as likely to trust as someone who speaks respectfully of other people.

If you don't let anyone in they can't hurt you... nice in theory but awefully lonely in practise. I'd say, give up the dead safety of being alone and start getting involved in life. Very few people will actually kill you. Most things that hurt, just hurt. If you look at them as learning experiences it won't feel so bad.

Of course you are paranoid hun, aren't we all? To some extend? We've all been hurt and once bitten twice shy, becomes "often raped, now paranoid"

The thing is the only way out is to accept that life is full of risk and live it anyway...

Ivonne
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Roseless
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2006 3:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy ((((Chispita)))) how was your day?

and does anyone else notice how ivonne sounds really really smart?
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ivonne
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2006 3:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Embarassed Embarassed Embarassed Embarassed Embarassed

I meant to hide how smart i was being...

Ivonne
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Roseless
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2006 3:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

u gots to work on that a bit then. Very Happy

i guess i got a talent for makin ppl blush..
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Chispita
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2006 8:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It makes sense... It's kind of like the saying: "To eat an egg, you must first break the shell." It just sucks that what I'd be risking here is my heart. And the fear I have of burdening people is grave... I know I personally woudln't feel burden if a friend of mine needed to talk, but I've always felt like I'm well beyond my friends. When we were kids and the only thing on their minds was to play dolls and those first crushes, I had other things on my mind. I feel like I skipped so many of those stages girls hit as they grow up. I don't think any of my friends are ready to hear me, and I'm not underestimating them or being unappreciative. I'm truly scared for them and scared for me. So I guess I'm not making much sense, so I'll stop here... Crying or Very sad I can certainly be a scary cat a lot of times... GRRRR ME!
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Roseless
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2006 8:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

hi. you're making sense. sounds kinda like my friends. they found out and left me alone in the dark. but that's because i knew they couldn't handle it. it's okay. ((((chispita)))) you make complete sense
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Tgrrr10
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2006 8:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chispita, I swear reading your posts sometimes is like seeing myself. I've been in the same thoughts as you. Hard to feel like you can trust someone else, but really it is about trusting yourself. You can't live life by protecting yourself, won't really be living.

It's taken me some time to feel comfortable going to my friends. I've actually lost a friend over this--she was my best friend--after I first told her she swore up and down that she'd be there for me anytime, that she would come with me whenever I wanted to confront my brother, read anything I was reading, I mean really made me think she was going to be there, we talked once 3 weeks after that and I haven't heard from her since. It stinks, I don't know what happened, she doesn't return phone calls or emails or letters. It hurts to know that someone I loved and trusted can leave, but at the same time I realize that there was something about my telling her that brought something up in her that made her unable to be there for me. I'm hesitatnt about trusting her again, but I've still be able to trust my other friends. They've been great and I've also given them the opportunity to tell me when they can't hear anymore or when they are feeling uncomfortable. I've also told them what is helpful to me and what isn't. That really helped them to know how to help me.

It's ok to be afraid, just don't let it stop you. There are wonderful people out there, don't let fear take away the good stuff. Anything worth having takes a risk getting. Keep the faith Chispita, as I told Rose "move along" listen to the song, it'll get you dancing through life!

T
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*everything will be okay in the end. if it's not okay, it's not the end.*
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Chispita
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 13, 2006 5:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, the thing is, I'm not a very good dancer... Wink I can dance a little, but that's about it.

Here's another one of my silly questions... How do you know when you've made that "connection" with someone? In the past, whenever I've come close to "spilling my guts," I've felt very uneasy and if I ended up saying something, then I'd feel regretful. But how do you feel when you have accomplished this? Is it worth the risk of loosing myself further??? I'm sooo confused... Embarassed
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ivonne
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 13, 2006 5:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, don't start by spilling all your guts, that's way too messy. Just spill a little at a time. gauge peoples reactions, see if you can build on that. you don't have to open your whole everythign all at once...

Share what you feel comfortable with and then maybe just a little more, take a chance but dont bet the farm?

You know you've connected when you've shared a few times, a little at a time and your friends are still comeing back and appreciate you.

you've connected out here? You had a hard time with it, taking time off from the forum now and again, to suit your needs? that's how it is done. like you advised Rose, taking care of yourself first and foremost and reaching out to the extend that you feel comfortable with...

try, go, do... the power is in the doing...

Ivonne
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Chispita
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 13, 2006 5:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmmm... I've been thinking about it and I think that the real issue here is that I can't trust myself. I guess that if I don't trust myself, then I can't trust anyone else, right? How do you trust yourself? I feel stupid, but the truth is, I have no confidence in myself. I'm afraid of MYSELF... Shocked
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