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Forgiving the abuser
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Can you forgive your abuser?
yes
16%
 16%  [ 5 ]
no
83%
 83%  [ 26 ]
Total Votes : 31

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phoenix soul
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 4:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i've had so many abusers in my life. i won't bother with how many just alot. and i will never in my entire life ever forgive any one of them. especially my father he started abusing me at about 2 weeks old from what older family members have told me. never in my life will i ever forgive them. they do not deserve my forgiveness they deserve to rot in hell.

phoenix
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Damaged
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 8:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well... I've already forgiven my abuser ^^

He was 9 years old (haha, yeah), and possibly also abused, or came from a kind of familiy I can't understand, or whatever. At 9 you can't be seriously thinking about abusing someone, you're just practicing imitation. That's what I think.
But I needed to tell him all the things he caused me, to get to this.
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Rosie
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2009 12:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i think they are all capable of knowing what they are doing is wrong even at that age. my a buser was eleven. i know he knew what he was doing.
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StormySpirit48
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 12:05 am    Post subject: Re: forgiving Reply with quote

It`s not for them that U need to forgive them but for urself. With all the pent-up emotions that goes along with abuse in any form, forgiveness doesn`t come easy. In order for me to get past all the emotions & everything & not try to kill myself all the time, I finally came to the realization that it was like my therapist said: for me to get better & forgive myself, I was going to have to forgive them. I know I`m not explaining myself very well but then "I never could anyway."
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StormySpirit48
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 01, 2009 1:09 am    Post subject: Forgiveness Reply with quote

I agree with a lot of what everyone says. Our abusers do deserve to rot in hell. BUT WE DON`T. We don`t deserve to live our lives in a living hell Do you honestly think that you re free from them & what they did to you by refusing to forgive them so you can forgive yourself for your reactions to that abuse? Do you really think that you`ve won when thr abuses are constantly on your mind?

I hate what they did to me-every last one of em, but if I was ever going to live a day without thinking about how horrible & painful it all was, I was going to have to forgive myself. In order for me to forgive myself, I first had to forgive them. I know it doesn`t make sense-it sure didn`t to me. I thought about that phrase for years before I began to see what it really meant.

It took me a long time after that to find out who all had abused me & to process that information.
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Terri
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 01, 2009 4:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Knowing what is right and wrong and comprehending the magnitude of infliction ..... distinct differences. Having a conscience about it ... an entirely separate matter .... Did you know that 4% of the population in 2007 had no conscience? Seems like a small percentage but Dr. Martha Stout's book called "The Sociopath Next Door" ... puts it in astounding terms ....

Quote:
"But what does 4% really mean to society? As points of reference to problems we hear about more often, consider the following statistics: The prevalence rate for anorexic eating disorders is estimated at 3.43 percent, deemed to be nearly epidemic, and yet the figure is a fraction lower than the rate for antisocial personality. The high-profile disorders classed as schizophrenia occur in only about 1 % of us - a mere quarter of the rate of antisocial personality - and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention say that the rate of colon cancer in the United States, considered "alarmingly high" is about 40 per 100,000 - one hundred times lower than the rate of antisocial personality. Put more succinctly, there are more sociopaths among us than people who suffer from the much publicized disorder of anorexia, four times as many sociopaths as there are schizophrenics, and one hundred times as many sociopaths as people diagnosed with a known scourge such as colon cancer."

"About one in twenty-five individuals are sociopathic, meaning essentially that they do not have a conscience. It is not that this group fails to grasp the difference between good and bad; it is that the distinction fails to limit their behavior. The intellectual difference between right and wrong does not bring on the emotional sirens and flashing blue lights, or the fear of God, that it does for the rest of us. Without the slightest blip of guilt or remorse, one in twenty-five people can do anything at all."


Shocking .... I am in no way stating a defense for abuse, but our society has a serious concern that requires understanding and the compassion to resolve as soon as possible .... to prevent even more future victims.

Forgiving shape shifts as all survivors evolve on their healing journey. Common denominator is compassion not only for ourselves, but also for the entire human plight even perpetrators who must face the consequences of their actions. As Ivonne stressed in another thread ... the acts are never condoned; but understanding the human ability to cause harm is a universally shared trait ... the shared responsibility and characteristic of every person.

As for me as I stated in another thread ... forgive is not a one word act I bestow - it is "for give" a two word style of living. Living a life freed with no baggage .... I remember my summers at my grandparents house. One grandmother forgave everyone; my other grandmother never forgave. It was pretty clear at an early age who lived the happier life.

I absolutely love this thread for the shared complex diversity, bold honesty and mutual appreciation each of us brings to this site ... stellar individuals, all of you ... simply stellar!

Terri Wink-
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Plain-Jane
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 09, 2009 8:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think I can forgive most of them... but not the ones that raped me... and not my mother. I don't think I will ever forgive my mother...
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tinkker
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2009 10:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No....Never
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KatO
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PostPosted: Thu May 27, 2010 12:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I will never forgive him.

To the contrary, I would've liked to see him suffer far more than he did.

As far as I'm concerned the second that you do something like what he did to another human being, you're about as morally relevant as an ant on the sidewalk.
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No longer a victim
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 6:02 am    Post subject: Forgiveness Reply with quote

Forgiveness is for yourself not your abuser. When you finally allow yourself to be free of the burden given to you when you were abused, you can then forgive your abuser. This is not to say you ever want to invite them over for tea or even speak to them again. It is for you to say- you no longer have power over me. Go screw yourself and deal with the consequences your God has for you.
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