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Friend of child sexual abuse survior

 
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Joined: 07 Mar 2019
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 07, 2019 4:50 am    Post subject: Friend of child sexual abuse survior Reply with quote

Hi everyone. I am new to this site. I started looking for a place to engage with survivors today. Recently my dear friend confirmed something that I have suspected for a long time, that he is a survivor of sexual assault by his father, who is long dead. I know that my friend has disclosed this before to other trusted people. I think that a short conversation we had has triggered a new avenue of perspective for my friend (I will call him D). One day, in an almost off-hand way, I said something to the effect that: "One of the ways that survivors of molestation are further confused and anguished, is that it can feel good physically." D looked at me with a very intense stare, and asked "REALLY?" Yes, I said. I've read that in some research, and also I've heard Oprah talk about it. It's another layer of trauma and pain... Like your body has betrayed you. D fell silent, and we changed the subject. About 3 months later, he confided that he had been sexually abused by his father to me. He said that he was very upset that he had felt physical pleasure during times of the abuse. He told me in a manner that assumed I already knew about the abuse, which I did not, I only suspected. I felt that he was being intentionally casual about the subject. I tried to match the casual level. I wanted D to feel safe and supported. He asked me not to talk to his mother about this (she lives with him, she's sick and he takes care of her). I said I would never bring this up with her. We agreed that she wouldn't understand. But I did mention that she could actually educate herself, and maybe become a supportive force in his life, but it does seem unlikely that she would do that. So... We have not talked about it since then. I am a survivor myself, but not of molestation. I know from experience that once you tell someone about the victimization, you kind of feel that the ball is in their court. I would like to find a way to support and encourage trust. How can I bring this up again? I know that it's never the right time, but I can make time to have privacy with D. I just don't have the first clue about how I can word it. I was thinking maybe through an email or text. I only want to help him move forward. I feel that any time you begin confronting sexual abuse, it is painful. The thought of adding to his pain is unbearable... But he confided in me, and I know that I need to respond. If there is anyone out there on this forum who can help with advice, it would be so appreciated.
I also want to thank everyone here who is posting. I think you are helping people who are getting ready to open up about their abuse.
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