Community Forums
Forum Index FAQFAQ SearchSearch MemberlistMemberlist UsergroupsUsergroups ProfileProfile Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages Log inLog in RegisterRegister
I think my friend is being abused

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    S&F's Forum Index -> Parents, Partners, and Loved Ones
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Just_a_Friend
newbie
newbie


Joined: 27 Jun 2018
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2018 10:45 pm    Post subject: I think my friend is being abused Reply with quote

My best fri me has been dating her boyfriend for a couple of years now. They’ve always had some conflict, but I always chalked it up to the fact that this was their first serious relationship that they’ve ever had. I assumed that things would smooth out eventually and that things would become less intense and more stable as time went on. I assumed wrong.

There were red flags that I completely ignored, thinking that I was being paranoid or too judgemental. He made her happy and I just wanted her to be happy. He seemed like a decent enough guy - not perfect, but good company.

Over the years I watched her mental health deteriorate. Yes, her mental health was already in a precarious place, but since she started dating him I have never been more afraid for her wellbeing. She constantly doubts herself, thinking that she’s somehow responsible for his feelings, that she should have to accommodate for his needs to the exclusion of everyone else, especially herself. She’s made so many excuses for his behaviour even when it’s blatantly clear that he was wrong. One time he was even abusive to one of our mutual friends and sent them harassing messages because of a perceived slight against him. My friend claims he acted out because of his previous trauma and abandonment issues. He also has so many toxic friends who have made my friend feel threatened but he gaslights her, framing the issue like she’s exxagerating and mentally unwell.

I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. I ignored his history of violence and bullying. I let his atrocious behaviour slide, wanting to believe that he was just immature and ignorant of social customs. That was until I found out that he was reading my friend’s private messages to me. He claimed it was an accident, but I call bullshit.

I knew something was up when she suddenly started being so secretive, telling me “it’s private”. Now I know why - the #$$% didn’t want me to know without him being there to provide “context” (I.e, controlling the narrative).

I’m seething with rage. I want to smash his face in. I’m ashamed that I was so wilfully ignorant and I’m terrified because she’s so isolated these days. She used to be so sociable and now she barely sees friends or family. I also have a sneaking suspicion that he’s trying to brainwash me, as he seems very insistent on me hanging out with her but only when he’s around.

I’m here on this forum because I know that if I lash out at him then that will hurt her. So I’m here to commiserate, learn from others and stop myself from doing something he’ll regret.

So hi everyone, it’s nice to meet you
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    S&F's Forum Index -> Parents, Partners, and Loved Ones All times are GMT + 4 Hours
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group

Site by Flashfire Designs
Copyright 1993-2003, Survivors & Friends

Help Out
Make a Donation Order Flowers S&F Bookstore
About Us
General Info Staff Mission Statement Contact Us
Misc
Awards Web Rings