Two Uncles at Once when I was 4 1/2

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 14, 2014 11:06 pm    Post subject: Two Uncles at Once when I was 4 1/2 Reply with quote

I didn't know what Vietnam was. War? Place? Soldiers? It didn't matter to a care little girl who only wanted to jump rope and play with a hula hoop. But then my dad got really sick with cancer and my mom worked the graveyard shift so my uncles coming home from Vietnam volunteered to watch my brothers and me. When I met them, they said they had games to teach me. I was the only girl of four boys so I didn't think anything of their comment. It didn't take long for them to start teaching me these games. First the oldest uncle (19) took me into my mom and dads room and locked the doors. He told me to take off all my clothes. I did. He was in charge and I was taught to do what I was told. He then took all his clothes off and laid me in bed. He didn't touch me right away. Instead he put his erect penis in my mouth. I remember everything. I remember the way the air felt on my naked skin; the color of the blue sky peeking through the windows. I even remember what I wore when I stripped down. I know Uncle number one wasn't done with me when he let his brother into the room. He took his clothes off and immediately put his penis in my mouth. He was darker than Uncle number 1. This is the first time I had ever seen male genitalia. Two erect penises. Not once were their penises relaxed. I can still remember the taste and texture, what they looked like, the things they said as they slapped me with their penises. When they were finished, they took turns showering with me. For 45 years I could not stand the smell of lavender soap.

I don't know why I didn't fight. I was the fourth kid in this family, second youngest. My youngest brother was still in diapers. I didn't tell anyone until I was 16. I don't know why I held it in so long. I got myself into trouble living in my own mind. I sucked my thumb until I was 16; I shoplifted junk food (until I got caught) and gorged on fattening foods. I kept to myself. Very few friends because I was fat, awkward, with buck teeth. I didn't get my period until I was 16. I don't know if this all caused me to be a late bloomer.

After I told my mom, she cried. She said the neighbors told her they were physically abusing my brothers. She had no idea they were violating me. She told me she left work and brought my oldest uncle to get rid of these guys. I finally started to move forward. I got braces and stopped sucking my thumb and lost all the baby fat. Then I started to feel vulnerable again. I turned to food again and that started my life in bulimia prison, which I'm still a repeat offender. My poor mom. There is not a day that goes by she mentions how sorry she is. It hurts her as much as it hurts me. Here I am, 50 years old, three husbands later - I can't even have a normal relationship with a man. I'm still a recluse. I feel mentally ill with the things I do and things I say. I tried therapy. I couldn't bring myself to say some things out loud. When I told one husband, he blew it off like it was nothing. But it wasn't nothing. It's what shaped my whole life and made me the loser I am today.
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