Moving On Without Forgiving
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Is it possible to heal completely without forgiving the abuser?
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 33%  [ 11 ]
Total Votes : 33

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Junior Member
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Joined: 04 Oct 2009
Posts: 27

PostPosted: Mon Oct 05, 2009 5:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I find the concept of forgiving my perpetrators offensive and repulsive. They are psychopaths without ability to empathize. Why would I waste one minute's effort concerned about my "wholeness" if I don't forgive them?

They do not have the pieces they took from me. They cannot return them; they cannot fix them. My forgiveness is irrelevant to them, and to me. I submit to no one nor anything an application for pity or peace.

Were I to ask god for anything it would be vengeance. I - finally - need this powerful entity to stand up for me and fight the evil. Will throwing them into a lake of fire do it? Will they be forgiven or will they burn?

It amazes me that right up until seconds prior to expiration, they might continue their criminal behavior, barely leaving enough time to utter, "Abracajesus," at which time the pearly gates will open and good ol' dad will find a room at the inn.

Something really sucks about that.

Some ancient back-water pedophile must have snuck that bit in.

So, failing that mess, NO. I have no problem not forgiving, not holding onto, not honoring them with a name. They are nameless non-entities, wherever Faith decides they are to go.

My hope is to integrate my fractured parts into a whole, but I have no one to forgive. They are not normal people, not cognizant of forgiveness. What they did they did on purpose. There was no accident, no trial, no judgment; ergo, no forgiveness. Let them go before a judge and confess.

Let a judge show mercy.

Rolling Eyes - My irreverent references to He Whom May Be your Higher Power are not intended personally. My beliefs in this area are heavily corrupted by corruption. I am deeply spiritual without believing a word written or uttered by wolves.
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newbie 1st class
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Joined: 14 Sep 2009
Posts: 16

PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 10:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I voted yes, because to forgive the abuser, is like saying: 'hey, it is ok what you did to me'! And - basically, it is not ok and never will be ok.

It is forgiving one self that is the most important thing.
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kathy joy
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Joined: 07 Oct 2009
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 18, 2009 10:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i don't know how to vote on this one. my father is a complete jerk and states that he does not regrete any thing that he has evern done. which not only affected me but tore my little brothers life up also. he is sick and really i do wish he would go ahead a die. i don't know if i can say i forgive him. i guess i hate the fact that he does not feel he was wrong. claims to have had some large black out from being shell shocked. yeah right! i guess that depends on what most consider having a black out. but waht ever. i do know that i was not the wrong one. but i just want the clown to say he was sorry. and really i do want him to see what it has done to my life. this may sound selfish but what the hell! i'm on the verge of losing the love of my life becuase of some thing he did to me not i did to him. yeah i do want the clown to feel my pain. i want him to feel how my heart feels when i have those sleepless nites when i just want a decent man to hold me but i push him away. why do i have to feel that pain. why can't he feel it??? Mad
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Joined: 27 Nov 2009
Posts: 6

PostPosted: Fri Nov 27, 2009 6:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Completely heal? I don't know about that one since I am not close to being completely healed. I think it is possible to forgive anything. While I am not completely healed from what my brother did to me (SA), I have moved on from it.

My brother is currently bipolar and also has a few other mental disorders, and so he is pathetic enough that he can't really comprehend what he did when he was younger. Personally I think he was always crazy but he wasn't diagnosed until he was an adult (after the SA). I used to want revenge. Then when he went totally insane, I actually wanted him to get better, just so he could fully appreciate the horror of what he had done when I confront him about what he did to me.

But I have moved on and no longer desire revenge. A confrontation is not likely since he's probably gonna live out his life as an insane person. I've come to realize that life is too short to waste any time on someone like my brother. I've had my share of miseries and only want to focus on finding happiness. I wouldn't say I've forgiven him, but then I wouldn't say I'm fully healed yet, either.
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Joined: 24 Feb 2011
Posts: 5
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 10:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i dont think i could ever forgive him. i just cant, but i am moving closer to healing.
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Joined: 26 Mar 2011
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 12:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am far from being completely healed. Because my father SA me, i went through a psychiatric breakdown and after spending 7 months in hospital am now on nearly 20 tablets a day. I have tried suicide countless times and am continuously self-harming. Sad I don't know if I have it in me to forgive him. I don't know if i ever will.
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