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how do i tell my brother??

 
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sandra9104
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Joined: 11 Aug 2010
Posts: 28

PostPosted: Wed Aug 11, 2010 12:32 pm    Post subject: how do i tell my brother?? Reply with quote

hi people.. i'm a new member.. i've been thinking of telling my brother a long time about the molestation i suffered in my cousin's hands.. i tried but when i tell him i've something to tell him and he asks me what i would quickly say nothing like i'm fooling about with him.. its a scary step.. i can't tell my parents for some reason.. so my only hope is my brother.. i would really like to know if somebody here has told their brother and the reaction that they got from their brother. i would also like to hear how it was like from a brother's point of view.. and if possible please share with me how you told your brother.. i've yet to tell anyone.. my brother is my first try so please support and help.. thank you..
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perhapsapoet
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Joined: 16 Aug 2010
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 9:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I told my sister. She mostly believed me. Since I told her recently, she's still processing everything and her reaction isn't clear. If you really trust him I would go for it, though know that he might tell your parents or force you to tell your parents. Good luck and lots of hugs. Take care.
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Taubah
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Joined: 06 May 2008
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Location: Indiana

PostPosted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 10:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

welcome to the forum Sandra and you too perhapsapoet though i said that already in another post.

I never told anyone, first one i told was my husband. My mother after that because i was pregnant and i wanted her dirty A** husband away from our family, though that backfired. But my advice i guess would be follow your heart, you sound like you really want to tell him. If it is too hard for you to tell him verbally, write him a letter. That's what i did both times i told. Matter a fact i haven't said it to anyone ever verbally. It's a writer thing i guess. It is better, in my opinion because it helps collect what you want to say exactly, and helps you step away a little bit while writing and when you are giving it to the person, you can tell them to read it when you are away if you like, and then maybe for them to email you or write you a letter back in reply rather than verbal if it is too hard for you to communicate about it that way for a while.

I personally refused to talk about it after the information was given, i had one reason for giving it and one reason only and that was to protect my unborn child, but you may want to express to him and talk to him about it, if so a letter back and forth with him may be the easiest and most emotionally satisfying way.

hugs and love.
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the faceless me i chase,
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sandra9104
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Joined: 11 Aug 2010
Posts: 28

PostPosted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 6:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

thanks perhapsapoet and Taubah for sharing your experiences with me.. it really is helpful..i mean all i want is for somebody to hug me and say that its all okay..but i think i cant really expect that to happen as well because it may be very shocking for them too and the reaction may be really weird..i guess you cant blame them because they know nothing about things like this and when you tell them its like dropping a big bomb on them..

thats the thing about this problem...sometimes even your loved once find it difficult to understand you..and you will have to end up explaining more to them and maybe even trying to calm them down instead of them trying to make you feel better..i'm in a dilemma right now on whether to tell him or not..all i want is something that would make me feel better and i'm afraid that talking about this will only create bigger problems..

some really insist that that things like this you should tell someone immediately..but finding that right person to tell is really hard.. Taubah i hope you do whatever it takes to protect your soon to be born child..the fact that you opened up about this to protect your child itself shows that you will make a good mother.. so yeah it may have backfired but it shows that you would do just about anything to protect your child..
and perhapsapoet i hope your sister starts understanding you and tries to help you out...good luck to you my friend...

as for me i'll have to wait and see.. he's studying abroad now and he will come back in two weeks time..i'm going to give it another try though its really hard.. maybe i might just write him a letter...he's very protective of me.. so he might get very angry and just try to beat the #$# out of him..i hope he understands that i don't want any of this just a little hug and a lifetime of support and care from him that's all that matters..

thanks for the love and care my dear friends, perhapsapoet and Taubah...
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farmboy
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Joined: 05 Feb 2009
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Location: canada

PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 12:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you want a mans opinion, I would think tell your brother. The first step in healing is to tell someone. Tell him how you feel and what you expect from telling him - if that means, him not beating the pedophile up , then expalin it to him and also tell him how hard it is for you to tell someone and that you trust him and that is why you are doing it.

If you ask me society turns a bling eye about sexual abuse and it long past due that "we" as a society start doing something about it. And letting people we know it is really happening will sooner or later have people with their guard up and to notice when things just don't seem right.

Best of luck to you, let us know how things go , if you feel like it that is.

farmboy
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sandra9104
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Joined: 11 Aug 2010
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 7:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

thanks farmboy. it means a lot to me to hear it from a man's light. i know i want to tell him but wow just thinking about telling him makes me shudder. i guess you and everyone else here can understand that feeling. i hope somehow, somewhat i can find the strength to let him know about it. it would crush him.. sigh..but i didn't let it happen..somebody else did it..its hard..but you are right..people still see this issue as taboo in society.

i guess its up to us to open the eyes of the rest of the world and let them know its more common than they think it is and the perpetrators can be the person that you trust most..

thanks again farmboy.. i hope i'll be able to tell him when he comes back.. if not i'll just have to keep trying...hopefully i'll find enough strength to tell him when he's back..
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kosherpickles
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Joined: 28 Jan 2011
Posts: 9

PostPosted: Fri Jan 28, 2011 2:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I know that this is a bit late, but I figured I would post anyway. If you have already found a way to tell your brother then good for you Smile If not perhaps this would be of some use to you.
While I was abused as a child and dealt with it on my own, I recently learned that my sister had gone through the same thing at the hands of our uncle. For her to be able to tell me this meant a lot to me, and although I know it was extremely difficult for her, I was able to support her and help her find help and healing. I hope that if/when you do tell your brother he is receptive and understanding. I can't imagine a sibling not having that reaction.

Best of luck!
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