Mommy Taught Me *not about taubah*

[Rosie]

In the mornings
I groan and roll my eyes
Unwilling to get up happily
To pretend to smile
To care for the people around me
Just like mommy taught me

I snatch up my pants
All the same looking
My t-shirt saying I don't care
Rubbing my eyes
Into the same outfit I will always wear
Just like mommy taught me

I see myself in the mirror
Shudder with the ugly girl
That stares back at me
I find myself
Fat and useless
Just like mommy taught me

I hop in the shower
Shampoo my hair
Scrubbing with my fingers
Eyes shut
Head back
Just like mommy taught me

Back to my place on the couch
Not looking at anything
My head down
Shoes one quickly
Hair brushed straight
Just like mommy taught me

I sit down
Stare at the screen mindlessly
Holding back the tears
Swollow the lump that chokes me
Tune out life
Just like mommy taught me

Cover up my shameful scars
Hide the truth
Behind a mask plastered on my face
No emotion in my eyes
Hiding from everything and everyone
Just like mommy taught me

A fake smile
Fake tears of joy
As I walk down the aisle
Clutching his arm
As my child grows beneath my dress
Just like mommy taught me

Take the hits
Scream back at him
Hide my tears as I clutch my baby
Holding her to my chest
Trying to silence her
Just like mommy taught me

Cover the bruises
Slather on the make-up
Bring him his beer
Take his horrid words
Live under his rule
Just like mommy taught me

Hold my children to me
Watch him being escorted out
Glancing at my mother for help
Being told to grow up and care for my own
Hold back my emotions
Just like mommy taught me

I sit and watch
Not moving from my chair
Threats to my life
Until I can take no more
He hits my child
Just like mommy taught me

I send him away
Ready for my divorce
Hold my child close to me
Comfort her
Cry with her
Just like mommy taught me

When she asks me why
When that lost look comes over her eyes
That swim in tears
Why am I sending her daddy away?
I have only one answer
Just doing what mommy never taught me

When my teenaged daughter
Comes to me with her first period
I will hug her and smile
Tell her she is a woman
Take off the entire day to help
Just like mommy never taught me

And when she fights with me
When she hates me completely
I will pull her close
Like when she was so little
And I will answer her truthfully
Just like mommy never taught me

When her man causes her trouble
I will stand strongly beside my baby
Tend to her wounds and broken heart
Help her stand on her feet
And walk along side her
Just like mommy never taught me

When she looks at me as an adult
Love in her eyes
Tears of joy rolling down her cheeks
A smile on her face
I will love her
Just like mommy never taught me
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Almost scary isn't it?