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It will never end

 
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Lostson
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Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Posts: 137
Location: New Mexico

PostPosted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 7:48 am    Post subject: It will never end Reply with quote

So I am an adult all grown up and I am and I am still his property.

My dad and I were in the car and he pulled out his penis and asked me to hold it. I need your help he says I canít do it by myself. I do say ďnoĒ something I couldnít do as a child. But that doesnít stop him. I stare out the window and wait for it to be over it doesnít end soon enough. He says it isnít something he can control. This will happen to me for the rest of my life because I am too weak to do anything about it.
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ivonne
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Joined: 09 Jun 2004
Posts: 5874
Location: the netherlands

PostPosted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 1:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rough deal isn't it Lostson.

Happened to me when I was 29. My abuser came to my home and because I felt too weak, felt powerless to do anything about it, it happened again. I actually knelt before him in mock adoration.

I've since learned quite a bit about myself and about him, or his kind I suppose I could say.

What happened is deeply ingrained, LEARNED behavior. And this is your loophole. What is learned can be unlearned. It takes effort and time and building your personality to be stronger, but you can learn to say no and make it stick. The power he seems to have over you can be undone.

Ultimately (at least for some abusers) it's about power. Sex is just the instrument they use to establish their power over you. And really, unless he's two feet taller than you and able to forcibly hold you down, he can't make you do anything.

It's hard to see this from where you are, I know, because I've been where you are. But it doesn't have to keep happening. You CAN work towards breaking the pattern, breaking his hold over you. Breaking his power.

Ivonne
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We donít see things as they are,
we see them as we are.
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Lostson
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Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Posts: 137
Location: New Mexico

PostPosted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 6:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I know itís a stupid flaw but when Iím with him I feel like Iím 4.
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ivonne
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Joined: 09 Jun 2004
Posts: 5874
Location: the netherlands

PostPosted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 4:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I know how that works. Still it takes practise and awareness to keep from falling back into the same behavior. You've allready changed it to a point: You were able to say no. Even if that didn't have the desired effect, it's a very important first step. I'd say reward yourself for that. You're making steps. It's all about the babysteps anyway.

You're doing it Lostson, in a small way you are changing your response to him. That's awesome progress.

Ivonne
_________________
We donít see things as they are,
we see them as we are.
Ė-AnaÓs Nin
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Lostson
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Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Posts: 137
Location: New Mexico

PostPosted: Sat Oct 10, 2009 12:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you for your words they really make me feel better.
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