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Any advice for a spouse/partner?

 
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Wir sind Wir
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Joined: 29 Jun 2009
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 10:44 pm    Post subject: Any advice for a spouse/partner? Reply with quote

Most of what I've read out there doesn't address this at all. On one hand I feel selfish, but on the other hand I didn't get married to take a vow of chastity either. It's been almost two years, and I've about had enough.
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farmboy
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Joined: 05 Feb 2009
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Location: canada

PostPosted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 1:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

have you tried to talk to your partner?
that would be a start. If she won't talk to you try writing a letter to her and tell her how you feel and ask her what she is feeling. Its a first step.

How long have you been together and are you married and have kids?

One thing i know is you can't force her to talk to you and i know that first hand.
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scully
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 10:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

wir and sir,

I too am in a relationship where my partner is a survivor of sexual abuse. We've been together for over a year and it's been 6 months since we've been intimate. I understand the fear of being trapped in a sexless relationship and the guilt that arises when wanting to voice your own feelings but feeling guilty for doing so. Let me tell you--your feelings are just as valid as your partner's.

After months of silence, I knew I was dying inside and needed her to know how I felt or else I would go crazy. I told her that although I promised to be patient with her, I wanted her to know that I was feeling more lonely, sad, and unattractive inside as time wore on. I told her I know that it's neither person's fault for these negative feelings to be there, but the fact is that they are there. This may be her personal battle to fight, but it certaining is affecting me as well. When she realized how negatively her past was affecting our relationship, she became more active in her healing process. She conducted online research to learn more about how the healing process might look like and the different options she has. This was a major first step for her, and I was very proud of her tremendous courage to face her past. We both know that the healing process is slow, but this is a good first step.

I personally feel more hopeful for her and our relationship, but it would be a lie for me to say that the negative feelings are gone. I have been trying to look out for myself and have sought counseling sessions to help me cope with this unfortunate situation by validating by feelings and knowing my own options.

To make a long story short--you owe it to yourself to have a straightforward talk with your partner about your own feelings and let her understand where you're coming from. I recommend doing research and seeking counseling to learn more about coping mechanisms and options for yourself. I hope this helps.
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