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safe?? what the #$$%?

 
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Taubah
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Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 1239
Location: Indiana

PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 9:06 am    Post subject: safe?? what the #$$%? Reply with quote

how do u know who is safe? how am i supposed to trust myself after i got myself into so much abuse and trouble and just #*$#.. my reason my .... intuition.. it's all f*ucked how can i trust myself even when there is a person i think is just.... amazing and wonderful and wont hurt me, wont.... turn away from disgust and etc.. how do i know it is safe...

i thought my last abuser was safe.. i guess i just WANTED him to be. i wanted to trust him.. love someone make my world.. i mean a parent like person or whatever and #*$#... he was ..... and i loved him ... and i was ... and he listened and saw me, and..... and said i was smart u know i mean... of course i'm an idiot but i didn't know what a father was.. or how one acts. I was unsure about some things in the beginning but i thought it was just cause i didn't know.. i mean he was my 6th step father.... My mom always told me her arguments with her husbands were about me, and my fault and i that i need to get along with them... i was always the problem child.. i was trying to be good cause i wanted everyone to be happy...

my judgment is #*$#.. how am i supposed to know who is safe?
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Parched. dry. i run-
across your soul.
the faceless me i chase,
voiceless and untold.
~Taubah
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Wounded Heart
newbie 1st class
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Joined: 25 Nov 2008
Posts: 21

PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2009 10:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You can never know 100% that someone is safe, but you can look for clues.
Listen & ask what their past relationships were like. There's a lot of information there. For instance, if they cheated before, they are likely to do it again.

Realize that you may be attracted to abusive people & so don't rely on attraction alone.

Ask a friend whose opinion you trust, their opinion of someone else before you get in too deep.

But most importantly...GO SLOW! Take the time you need to feel comfortable with someone. Test them out a little by provoking a tiny argument to see if they explode in anger. Ask their advice about madeup matters, just to see if they would handle the situation as you would. You can tell a lot about people by how they react to stress & other situations. Use that knowledge & then trust your gut instincts.

You don't need to be afraid all the time, but you do need to be smart.

Just my thoughts. Wink
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Taubah
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Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 1239
Location: Indiana

PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2009 11:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

thank you, i appreciate your in put and thoughts. Will see your it takes me Wink
_________________
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across your soul.
the faceless me i chase,
voiceless and untold.
~Taubah
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ivonne
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Joined: 09 Jun 2004
Posts: 5874
Location: the netherlands

PostPosted: Sun Feb 15, 2009 10:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

One thing I've found to be very telling about a person is how they talk about their ex's.

Someone talks about their ex like they hate them, blame them for everything, cuss and swear about them, fail to see their own part in whatever made them break up...

Well i figure someone like that it's only a matter of time till they talk about me that way and I steer clear of them.

Ivonne
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650Rider
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Joined: 05 Mar 2009
Posts: 36

PostPosted: Thu Mar 12, 2009 7:22 pm    Post subject: Re: safe?? what the #$$%? Reply with quote

Are we talking about a person to date and perhaps have something long term with, or a casual person to know?

I understand about the way that someone can talk to you and lure you in to their world. I've been there a few times myself and now listen to my gut when it comes to how someone is acting or talking. If it does not pass the gut test... off I go. I've just watched a friend get involved with someone who promised her the world in a small place and she fell for it, lured into a sexual relationship with him, she had poured out her life story to him the first evening they spent together, about her loveless life and so on. Later I figured out he was a registered sex offender. Later she would tell me that there were clues something was wrong and she didn't listen to them.
When confronted He proclamied that he could not find a way to tell her his story and denied that anything really had taken place of the offense. He's a neighbor in the condo building she's in, and I do worry about her still having some association with him, but can't do anything about it.

You can do a quick "google" search of someone to see if they have any sort of history that you might want to know about.

Remember, we need not tell our story to anyone until we are ready to do so. Not everyone needs to hear it and we can select a few people to tell.

If it's someone for dating, perhaps keeping it light and playful at first, no sex or anything vulnerable until you get a feel for where they are in their life and as others have said about how they speak of other people. Have your trusted friends meet them and ask them for feedback and listen to it and your gut.

Good Luck on your Journey.

Peace
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