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this post is an expression of anger that has nowhere to go
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i should not say things like this outloud just cause i feel bad
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ivonne
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 4:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What makes it so frightening to believe you had no choice?

Ivonne
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 2:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

that's a thought question

dont suppose i can get away with asking for an easier one?


let me think on it
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ivonne
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 3:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

well you can come back around to this one.

Meanwhile, a different question to ponder:

How would your life be different if you could learn to trust even one other person?

Ivonne
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 5:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What makes it so frightening to believe you had no choice?

the possiblity that at any time, anywhere i may again have no choice
this hasnt come cause i was afraid nobody would know what say but i think i might try to say it. I am disabilled . i walk but slow. my balance is bad, my speach slightly off and i have no of health problems, i cant run at all

so even thou i been to self defense class and know you cause somebody some serieus pain if you have a chair with you or half a cold head at least
but am also pretty aware that any one anywhere can cause me some serieus pain, with let's a .. a pinky finger?

so i guess i like to think that i had change, bur choise fear over fight cause i was yound and now i know better..

maybe not most solid argument but ok. it's true or atleast it's what came to mind

as for the other q

How would your life be different if you could learn to trust even one other person?
then i guess i would finally not be alone anymore, and i would converted

and that feeling when they touch my skin they gonna find disguising and hit it would go away

but i kinda beside the point, cause push myself as far forward as i can but i just cant feel like it safe, i still think that one person who isnt who he says is he is is right here waiting for and then it wrong all over again

i kinda of hate myself right now. i came here cause i wanted find a way to not be so cruel against the ppl i wanna trust, but now the trying is getting so painfull that I make you guys prove to me that you are worth going trough..
i cry i cant take take it, and you guys come running i say i dont feel safe you try harder
so what if i am not doing great,
i took safe good place and turned it around by treating you guys badly,i am almost abusing.
you shouldnt be jumping trough hoops for me, i am only worth you worries when try harder then this
i havent learned a thing yet
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ivonne
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 11:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You don't have to try at all to be worthy of our attention, or anybody else's. You're human, that's basically all you need to be.

We don't give you attention because you deserve it, but because it's our choice not to ignore your pain. It's our choice to care for you and love you as a friend.

ID, you're right, the world isn't a safe place. And getting hurt, esspecially when you're young and helpless but also when you're older, handicapped and helpless, or even when you're older and conditioned to be helpless, is always a risk. When I was 28 my abuser came back into my life for a do-over. I was helpless because I couldn't find a way to resist it.

My point is. Life is dangerous and yet we have to live it. We have one great advantage over people who have not been abused. We know we can survive. Knowing how to live is different yet and we're learning, all of us, here.

You're not so different, courage isn't the lack of fear. It's core-rage, my friend Terri used to say. It's feeling the fear and refusing to let it stop you.

hugs,
Ivonne
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we see them as we are.
-Anas Nin
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 9:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ivonne wrote:
. We have one great advantage over people who have not been abused. We know we can survive. Knowing how to live is different yet and we're learning, all of us, here.

You're not so different, courage isn't the lack of fear. It's core-rage, my friend Terri used to say. It's feeling the fear and refusing to let it stop you.

hugs,
Ivonne


i use to think the same thing about being surviver , i it even made me proud at time to know that i was aware of my abilty to cope then others

but now i dont think so no more, cause everybody else got the ability to trust and be close with an other person or learned it anyway and all i learned was kicking and screaming

if i had the choice, i think i would trade even if i am more likely go on where other would give up.

i am bet iam not only one in that
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ivonne
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 5:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You can learn to trust. In fact, knowing you can (and have) survived the worst, means your trust once given is solid.

The way it works with trust: We gauge wether someone is trustworthy. But also, how much are we able to trust.

Trust, I believe, is directly related to our ability to cope with betrayal. We KNOW, with a deep down to the core knowledge, that we can handle things. When survivors do learn trust, it runs deeper, in fact, it goes to the very core...

Ivonne
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