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Incested by my older sister

by Case

I'm new to the site and just joined today, X-mas day 2004. I don't really know why I'm doing this but it seems to be a safe place so here goes.
When I was little, about 5 or 6 yrs old, me and my sister used to be alone for about 2 or 3 hours everyday after school until our parents got home from work. I don't remember having a baby sitter but we must have when we were a bit younger, but at about ten or eleven, my sister who is four years older was my guardian, a second mother, and my best friend in the world. I wanted to be with her all the time and was the biggest pest in the world even thoughwe loved each other to death.
We were "latch-key kids" and were expected to do normanl stuff around the house, including getting the dinner meal started before they got home. My Father was distant and a visitor. He was and still is a missirable person, but my Mum was pretty loving, although we all would fight a great deal. It was actually pretty chaotic and unpredictible, like walking through a mine field. Jeckyll and Hyde syndrome with my parents, so me and my sister were allies against them, but often getting each other in deep shit with my Dad mostly. There was no physical abuse by my parents except the very rare occasiob when my Dad would totally lose it and we got a smack here and there and plenty of threats of "getting the BELT" which I only remember vaguely happening once or twice. The real abuse from our parents came in the form of mental and emotional abuse. The endless putdowns, namecalling, humiliating, self-esteem killing stream of abuse was sporatic and usually unpredictable when something would set them off.

So me and my Sister were prbably too close becasue of the situation and from a pretty young age I can recall us fooling around and playing games and role-playing, at time pretending to make-out, but being too little to really know what that means. We did kiss some later, and pretend to be characters from T.V. shows like Happy Days and Gilligans Island if you can believe that. This sort of thing I can barely remember in any real detail, but I know it happened just the same. I often have to tell myself that- I didn't make this up!!!!!!!
It was andis real, even though everyone but me has buried it. For now I don't want to go into any kind of details anyway, but I can remember some sexual activity when I reached puberty and in some ways feel responsible because of thoughts and sexual feelings toward her that I coudn't believe were happening for real. She appraoched me in the hallof the house and asked some qstns. about my sexual experience and knowledge, which led me to admit that I masturbated quite a lot and thought abot sex all the time; basically aa otherwise normal early pubecent boy, except one thing. I wanted to have sex with her and I think because of the stuff that had happen just a few years before, which was sort of sexual in nature, other thing began to happen. I only can recall one sexual encounter as little kids, but it seems to be the most significant so I will give a few details here. WARNING!!! POSIBLE TRIGGER STUFF COMING UP.
I remember we wre fooling arounf some how with our cloths off, and she had practically no breasts yet and would squeese together what she did have, so we were pretty young. I was pretending to have intercource with her and didn't really know a thing about sex except what went where. She told me after rubbibg on her leg that "that's not where it is", meaning here vagina. She had panties on and I was naked, and I asked her what would happen if "it "went in, and if it did, could I pee inside there. Like I said, I was very little. We didn't have sex and I can't recall how things ended that time, but often wonder if she was abused because how would a little girl know enough about sex to abuse her little brother, ME.

I think I'm starting to feel overwhelmed so I stop here, but I really hope by doing this, reaching out on this site, which was not that easy to find in the sea of stuff out there on the NET, I hope I can heal in ways that have so far eluded me. I don't know what else to say but I do want eveyone who reads this to know that it was Ivonne, who first reached back to me, who inspired me to write this. I hope you know me a little better now, and I can make some connections with other wonderful people like Ivonne out there. Bye for now(b4n).


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